Last year was a very difficult year. It's been a struggle to figure out what in the world the Lord is doing or to understand what He's trying to do. My husband hasn't had a job since last June. He has had interviews and no job offers. In fact, he's going on another interview on Wednesday. We get glimpses at hope only to have further desert wasteland to traverse. I'm working outside the home while my husband stays home. We have had a traditional sort of role reversal, and we do not like it.
We're learning a lot though. In the desert we're learning a lot about what our hearts truly desire and what we truly need. God always provides. We can always trust Him to provide exactly what we need.
You see, He's offered enough moments of hope to keep us going. He's offered provision. He's offered peace and sanctuary.
Our pastor shared a story of a man who was on the mission field and was translating the Bible into a tribe's language. He had been wrestling with finding a word for "believe" in the native tongue of the tribespeople. One day in his office an exhausted native rested his whole body on two chairs, putting all his weight on them. He said in his language how nice it was to relax, but he used a word that the missionary had never heard before. It meant "to lean or put your full weight on"- he had found the right word for believe.
More than any other season I have ever been in, I'm learning what it means to completely lean on the goodness of Christ and to put the full weight of my whole self on Him.
"I can lean against your throne and find my peace." [lyrics by Jennifer Knapp].
That peace comes when I fully fall on the grace given to me.
I'm thankful for that tonight.