It seems about right that May was the last time that I would write anything.
I'm not where I want to be as look into the new year.
Though, I'm right where I need to be as I look into the new year.
I believe I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and the only thing holding me here is God's mighty grace.
I'm not home like I would like to be. I'm not a mother of three like I would like to be. I'm not in a different home. I'm not shuffling papers for home studies or notaries. I'm not cooking many dinners. I'm not leading any Bible studies or leading anything, really.
I'm just not what I thought I would be right now.
But that's not a bad thing. In fact, I believe that it's the best thing for me right now. I believe that if anything were better, that's where I would be.
I also believe that God's setting me up.
You ever get that feeling? It's like when you're driving over a hill, climbing up and up, and any moment you're going to get the view of the spectacular snow-covered mountain that's on the other side. It's like when I was just getting to know my husband, and I just knew that there was a very grand adventure before us, more deep and powerful than any other adventures in my life. I will tell you. I had no idea the glory that was before me as I stepped into a future with him.
Yeah. That's where I think I am.
There's something glorious ahead. It's more glorious than all the ideas I can have of what God may have ordained.
And it's there. Just over that hill. It's there. It's not what I'm expecting. It may not even be what I want or think I want.
This year so many things have happened the way that no one wanted. I didn't want to grieve the loss of baby Charlie. I didn't want my mother or dear family friend to battle cancer. I didn't want my niece's adoption to be delayed. I didn't want Maggie to face a brain tumor. I didn't want my husband to lose a job only to remain jobless.
So as I head into 2011, I keep on keeping on, up the hill. Up, up, up. When I'll see the glory, I don't know. It's coming though. Just like the grace given Charlie's parents to give glory to God in all trials. Just like the grace given in the patience to endure frightening cancer. Just like the grace bringing home Seble. Just like the grace in Maggie's humor and strength of character. Just like the grace that sustains Casey's spirit.
We'll all see that mountain.