Sunday, March 25, 2012


For almost two years, I was in a very dark time. Every day was the weight of seeing my husband torn down by people who should have been the first in line to build him up. Don't get me wrong. There were ups and downs and good and bad in that span of two years, but during that time there were a lot of wounds inflicted on our family. Slanderous accusations, disapproving remarks and sometimes silence, slowly gnawed at my husband. It was a time that altered him.

When we were young with our rose-colored glasses securely set on our green noses, we took vows to stay together for better or worse... etc. We had no idea what some of that "worse" would be, and how God would use it to draw us closer and closer to Christ, and by his grace, each other.

My husband and I retreated from those painful two years a bit battered and bruised, wounded and hurt. We didn't understand what in the world the Lord was doing. Why did he even bother sending us into a ministry that was going to chew us up and spit us out like that? It never made sense. What happened there never made sense, and in many, many ways even now, it doesn't make any sense. I just simply trust that on the other side of glory it will be clear, and pray that on this side of glory, maybe I can have glimpses of God's divine tapestry he is weaving.

Lately, I have been getting a glimpse of maybe why we went through those two years of pain. It has taken a good two years to even get a small view of what God has been weaving. I guess that makes me a kind of slow to catch on, or maybe not. Maybe God is simply taking his time to weave a very intricate pattern. Either way, it's a design that's taken at least four years to take shape- at least to my finite mind.

I think that we were more wounded than we realized. We needed a lot of healing that I'm not sure I could even see in some ways. It seemed like we were pretty okay, considering the beating we had taken. We took it pretty well in stride, for the most part, but slowly, God has been working a detailed pattern in my heart to bring about a beautiful picture, a delicate, and subtle balm of healing.

Today my husband preached in our church. It wasn't the first time, but something stood out to me today as it never has before. One of our pastors introduced Casey, and spoke about how he has been a blessing to the church and that he likes his preaching.

It wasn't anything extraordinary. In fact, that has been the pattern in our church. We have been showered with love and affection. We have been supported and embraced. We have been welcomed and appreciated. We have been accepted just as we are for who we are.

The only thing that was extraordinary about today is that I understood something that God has been doing. He has been healing. For the months and years that we have been fellowshiping and sharing our lives with the believers in our church, God has been slowly mending our wounds.

Casey has time after time, been encouraged and affirmed. After his season of being brought down time after time, he has had loving and godly men build him up. His leadership has been welcomed and wanted. He has been supported and loved.

As a wife who had to watch as he was hurt over and over again, it has been so good for my heart to see him loved and lifted up.

If the only reason for our season of trial was to experience the healing power of God, then that is reason enough. If God allowed hurt and pain for that time, so that he could simply show himself as Healer through the Holy Spirit moving his people to love us, then that is enough for me.

This is the first time that I have been able to see any purpose in the plan that God had for us. Until now, it has been through sightless faith that I trusted that there must have been something that he was doing in it all, and that it was for our good. I know that because time after time he has proven faithful, and has always kept his word. I have just been waiting.

Now I can see. I can see one thing, one good, big thing that has come from that dark time. God is Healer. He brings healing in time, through faith and through love. It's nothing new or that I didn't know before. It's just bigger, if that makes sense.

Sometimes those beautiful, intricate patterns that God weaves take more time. Or at the very least, it takes me a while to see it.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..."
Ecclesiastes 3:11a