Day 2: The Lord's Day

This morning I struggled to get up. It was just one of those mornings. This last week I worked over forty hours, and I'll be honest- I just struggled a bit with having the wrong attitude. I had generally been a Negative Nelly, and that's just not the way I would like to roll. That's just not the way that I'm going to live a life that brings glory to my King every single day.

So of all days that I really needed to get out of bed, it was this day. The Lord's Day. (That's a term people don't use much anymore, and I don't really know why. Just so you know. I think it should be used more.) Praise the Lord for my husband, who could have taken pity on me and thought, "Oh let her sleep. I"ll take the kids to second service while Kelly goes to work and misses church." But no. He's better than that. In a gentle way that only my husband has, he weaseled me out of bed, and although we were late, we got there.

And that's what I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful that I was among God's people today. I was with my eternal family- at least a very small portion of it.

"And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of the sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day- and there will be no night there." Revelation 21:22-25 (emphasis added)

One of the pastors of our church returned just recently from an 18-day mission to South Africa. He shared with us all about being in a service worshipping our Lord God the Almighty, and in that service there were several people groups. But in Christ we are all one people, made of all nations. He read the above passage concerning the New Jerusalem, and highlighted the words that I did- that nations are in eternity.

I am thankful for that today. I am thankful that the gospel is for all nations and all peoples, and that one day there will be no separation. There will be no prejudice. The invisible lines between races and peoples will be gone, and together, with one voice, each from our own nation, we will give glory to God for all eternity.

That will be a good day.

Day 1

Psalm 111

Praise the LORD!

 I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart,

in the company of the upright, in the congregation.

Great are the works of the LORD,

studied by all who delight in them.

Full of splendor and majesty is his work,

and his righteousness endures forever.

He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered;

the LORD is gracious and merciful.

He provides food for those who fear him;

he remembers his covenant forever.

He has shown his people the power of his works,

in giving them the inheritance of the nations.

The works of his hands are faithful and just;

all his precepts are trustworthy;

they are established forever and ever,

to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.

He sent redemption to his people;

he has commanded his covenant forever.

Holy and awesome is his name!

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;

all those who practice it have a good understanding.

His praise endures forever!

I'm going to start on a journey today. I don't know what it's going to look like or whether I will be able to endure to the finish, but I have a goal. I'm going to live out Psalm 111 daily in 2011. I can guarantee that I will not do it perfectly, and I know that I will stumble along the way. No matter what comes my way each day, I'm going to make myself sit down and recount the great works of the Lord in my life each day. I am convinced that He is at work in my life daily, and that every single day that I am given breath on this earth is meant for His glory.

So that's what I'm going to do. I am going to find the everyday grace that the Lord gives, through my sinful discontentment or pouting or anger or grumpiness or impatience.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation." (Psalm 111:1)

So here it goes. I'll begin my own quest to daily give thanks and honor my Maker publicly in the congregation, in the company of the upright, not for my own esteem or glory, but so that His name may be praised among the peoples... or whoever might stumble upon this dinky blog.

The Mountain

It seems about right that May was the last time that I would write anything.

I'm not where I want to be as look into the new year.

Though, I'm right where I need to be as I look into the new year.

I believe I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and the only thing holding me here is God's mighty grace.

I'm not home like I would like to be. I'm not a mother of three like I would like to be. I'm not in a different home. I'm not shuffling papers for home studies or notaries. I'm not cooking many dinners. I'm not leading any Bible studies or leading anything, really.

I'm just not what I thought I would be right now.

But that's not a bad thing. In fact, I believe that it's the best thing for me right now. I believe that if anything were better, that's where I would be.

I also believe that God's setting me up.

You ever get that feeling? It's like when you're driving over a hill, climbing up and up, and any moment you're going to get the view of the spectacular snow-covered mountain that's on the other side. It's like when I was just getting to know my husband, and I just knew that there was a very grand adventure before us, more deep and powerful than any other adventures in my life. I will tell you. I had no idea the glory that was before me as I stepped into a future with him.

Yeah. That's where I think I am.

There's something glorious ahead. It's more glorious than all the ideas I can have of what God may have ordained.

And it's there. Just over that hill. It's there. It's not what I'm expecting. It may not even be what I want or think I want.

This year so many things have happened the way that no one wanted. I didn't want to grieve the loss of baby Charlie. I didn't want my mother or dear family friend to battle cancer. I didn't want my niece's adoption to be delayed. I didn't want Maggie to face a brain tumor. I didn't want my husband to lose a job only to remain jobless.

So as I head into 2011, I keep on keeping on, up the hill. Up, up, up. When I'll see the glory, I don't know. It's coming though. Just like the grace given Charlie's parents to give glory to God in all trials. Just like the grace given in the patience to endure frightening cancer. Just like the grace bringing home Seble. Just like the grace in Maggie's humor and strength of character. Just like the grace that sustains Casey's spirit.

We'll all see that mountain.

That Wasn't So Hard!

After feeling a bit overwhelmed by Haddon's upcoming evaluation, the Lord truly provided in many ways:

1. He allowed for Casey to go up with me by stirring my sister-in-law's heart to offer to take our daughter for the day while we both went up to Portland. This ended up being a much needed gesture, and I didn't even know it! We hit some pretty big traffic jams on the way up, and were a bit late. We also had to figure out which building we needed to be in as the medical center where we were going was very large! Two heads were way better than one frazzled one!

2. He opened up the ears of the panel of 5 specialists we dealt with that day. They were able to delight in and enjoy our son as well.

3. Because they listened, and because I know that prayers were with us that day, they didn't feel comfortable labeling our son with autism. This is a great praise. It's something that we will continue to look at depending on Haddon's growth is areas of concern, but one of our biggest fears was the tendency to want to just put a label on children.

4. Casey, Haddon and I got to spend a good portion of that day together, just the three of us. That is something that doesn't happen too much, and it seems like, though he was worn out, Haddon really liked having mommy and daddy all to himself.

All in all, there wasn't anything discovered that we don't already know about our son. One of the reasons to have this particular evaluation was to work with insurance in getting referrals necessary to get the help that we feel our son needs. Something that was kind of interesting was the order that one doctor put in for a blood test to be done for Haddon. She wanted to cover all the bases by screening him to make sure there are no chromosomal issues. This isn't something that worries us or bothers us- it's just interesting, and we'll see how that goes when the time comes.

So, praise be to God that it wasn't so hard! He always provides perfectly, and by His grace we'll continue to be given the wisdom in how to help our sweet boy. We truly love him just the way he is, and we will do everything we can to help him grow and learn.

Thank you for your prayers and support. Please continue to pray for us as we are advocates for our boy.

Harder

Today is Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Then it is Thursday.

I have been thinking about Thursday for a while. Thursday was supposed to happen two months ago, and it has to happen now instead.

Thursday is a day that I am reluctant about, and yet think it's time to do. Thursday was pushed on me, and I resisted. Then we decided that Thursday would happen in our own way.

As Thursday comes, I'm having a harder time with it than I thought I would. I'm pretty emotional.

So what is Thursday?

Early that morning we will take our sweet boy up to Portland and have a three-hour evaluation. People who don't know him are going to try and interact with him and help him play "games" and see if he shows true symptoms of autism. They are, hopefully, going to listen to us and take our observations into account. They are going to read what others have written, and then talk with us about what they think- because they are supposed to be experts.

Thursday has been played down in my mind, but really, now that it's close, I'm feeling like it's kind of big. I don't want our boy labeled with something that is inaccurate.

I love our son just the way he is.

I love our son too much to not help him grow as I know he can.

So Thursday is close. I'm nervous. It's a bit harder than I expected.

But God has already ordained Thursday. He's ordained all who our son is and all that he will be. So as hard as it is to face Thursday, it won't be as hard as it would be if I didn't know the Solid Rock that is harder than any Thursday.

Not Me! Monday!: When Life Hands You Lemon Cake...

Welcome to another installment of Not Me! Monday! This is a blog carnival created by another fun-loving mom, MckMama. Go visit her blog to find out what other's are not doing!

As the Stutzman family prepared for one of their biggest fundraising events for their Ethiopian adoption, I thought that I would be extra helpful. You see, they were hosting a silent suction and dessert. So, of course, I was taking some dessert.

I certainly didn't think that I would be even more awesome if I not only made layer bars, but also a lemon cake- of which the ingredients were just hanging around the cupboards. I didn't proceed to make the cake, having every confidence that it would turn out beautifully. And I furthermore didn't imagine how I would decorate it specially so that it looked even more tantillizing than it most likely already would look. I didn't imagine lines of people oo-ing and aw-ing over the cake's beauty as it sat in my cake platter. Not me!

After baking this cake, and getting ready to "flip" it out of the round pan, I didn't run into trouble. Nope. No, I didn't.

It didn't stick to the pan at all. Nope. It didn't.

It didn't crumble. Nope. It didn't.

I didn't try to piece it together, desperately trying to cover up any flaws in hopes of still creating the magnificent cake. I didn't imagine what a great victory it would be to overcome said flaws, and still make a beautiful masterpiece. Nope. I'm not that delusional!

The second cake round didn't behave exactly as the first. Nope. It didn't.

Even after that, I didn't still believe that cake would be beautiful... uh, no, really, I didn't! Not me!

After frosting the first layer and placing the second on top, I didn't still believe that despite the crumbling cake could still look presentable to actually charge people to taste! Nope!

Finally, reality didn't hit me. I didn't laugh at my stupidity and foolishness. Nah. Because all of this didn't happen, right?

RIGHT?!?

Hey, Soul Sister

It was past 9:00 in the evening, and Norah and I were just getting home from an evening at a baby shower.

The radio was quiet because we were talking, but then we heard a song that both of my children like. It's catchy. It's fun.

It's "Hey Soul Sister" by Train.

Train - Hey, Soul Sister (Official Music Video) - The most popular videos are here


Instead of going inside and getting my child to bed, we sat in Casey's truck and danced, laughed, clapped, snapped and sang.

So Norah was up about 3 minutes later.... who cares?! I will always remember how we smiled, and had a moment together so filled with fun and joy. I will always remember that she sang the "hey's" a little off key. I will always remember that moment. It was a sweet mother-daughter moment.