Finding Everyday Grace

Day 349: Welcome Home, Obadiah

2011-12-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

So excited to bless my children with their first *real* pet! Obadiah is a sweet cat, and we've had a blessed first day.
Merry Christmas to my beautiful babies!

Lord, thank you for allowing us to adopt Obie.

May he be a sweet blessing in our home. May we bless him, and may he bless us!

God bless us, everyone!

Day 348: I'm a little off

2011-12-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm off. My count is off. My 2011 resolution is very off, and I have failed at many points. You know, that's kind of the story of my life.

I fail at so many points. I need a Savior to cover up those failures with a grace that runs deep and wide. I think that's something that has really stood out to me this year. Every day the goal is to give blessing to God through gratitude and praise, to recognize his grace that he gives me every day despite my heart condition or mood.

That practice has not only built me up but made me humble.

I'm glad that I did this. I know I've mentioned that before, but I'll write it again.

Day 347: The Goings Ons

2011-12-15T18:58:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming fast. And there are lots of going-ons going on. There are Christmas lights to see, and cookies to bake, and stuff to do.

Tonight was another occasion of that.

My husband had a work party, and so we went. There's really not much to tell about it. I've had a cold, and have lacked sleep, so combine those two things and I wasn't very chipper.

I feel bad. I wanted to be more talkative and friendly, but I was just struggling. In fact, I had my husband drop me off at home before picking up the kids so that I could go straight to bed. Then I proceeded to have an on-off sleeping experience. So that was lame, but what are you going to do?

Another fun thing was my son having a Christmas party with his pre-school. He had a blast, and I am so thankful for his teacher and the experiences he is having there. He's really blossoming this year.

In a neighboring town they have a neighborhood that puts lights on most of the houses, and so we went out there (instead of staying home and watching a depressing board meeting or going to it). I'll tell you, my son is a crack up. If he saw a nativity scene, he would exclaim, "Oh look! Jesus!" or "There's God!" So that was pretty great.

All we have left that is an actual "event" is the little Christmas program at church.

I'm not sure if we'll do a Hanukkah night this year, even though I want to.

We're just getting a little bombarded with all the goings-ons.

Lord, let not any busyness of the season keep me from the joy found in you.

Day 346: Grotto

2011-12-14T18:57:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have great friends. Today I'm thankful for these people.

Nuf said.

Day 345: The One In Which The Vote Happens

2011-12-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

We've been anticipating December 13th for a long time now. Last month I was able to go to a school board meeting and watch as a panel of seven people listened to parents give testimony and try to sway at least four of them to keep my daughter's school open. This month I wasn't at the board meeting, but it was the one we were waiting for. Tonight was the moment of truth.

The vote happened, and in a heart-breaking loss of 3 votes to 4, my daughter's school was closed. Budget cuts are necessary. I know that. All across the country there are boards just like this one, making difficult decisions. I think the last thing a district does is close schools, but it is what it is.

Now we have to make some educational decisions for our kids. We transferred them intentionally into this school, and now we have a lot of things to weigh out, and a lot of questions on what affect closing the school will have on the whole area.

Lord, thank you that school boards aren't sitting on the throne, but you are.

Day 344: Cookies

2011-12-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

My friend had us over to make cookies, and it was a nice time to enjoy company and have the kids play. My son discovered markers that you can use on cookies, and my daughter got to stir frosting.

There is something so simple and fun about holiday baking. I'm glad we took time out to do that tonight.

The only thing I really must make is my candy cane swirl cheesecake, and then I'll feel accomplished!

I'm glad that God gives us traditions and delicious goodies that we can share.

Lord, let me remember that your Son is the sweetest gift ever,

and that all the goodies of Christmas would remind me of that.

Day 343: Just Not Like Last Week, Please

2011-12-11T20:36:00.001-08:00

I've wept. I've been angry. I've been exhausted and tried. I've prayed. I've whined.

You name it, and I've probably felt it this week. Between, hearing my work news, to being provided for, to being excited about picking up the kitten, there's just been a gamut of emotions. On top of all these things, it's been a crummy mom week.

I have been dealing with whining, disobedience, angry outbursts, and sassing. It has come from both children, and my oldest has been leading the charge.

Tonight, the camel's back broke. I calmly, after being sassed at bedtime, told my firstborn to go to the kitchen and wait for me. Leaving my son in his top bunk, I entered the kitchen and brought out the Tabasco. She had talked disrespectfully too much. I needed a strong object lesson.

Judge me if you will. I had to do something, and since this was the most calm and humane thing I could think of, this is what I chose.

As I put the Tabasco on the spoon, I prayed that it wouldn't hurt my daughter, that she wouldn't throw up or that she wouldn't hate me forever for using this punishment. I prayed for the Lord to give me words to speak to her as to why I was giving her the hot sauce and why her behavior not only deserved it, but why it was not to continue.

Well, she almost threw up, and she cried. She thought I was mean, but the lesson sunk in. I told my daughter, my precious daughter that as much as she doesn't like the Tabasco, that's how much I don't like being spoken to in the way that she had, and it's how much it hurts God when He sees that kind of behavior.

It was a powerful object lesson.

I have no idea if it will be remembered tomorrow, but I do know that tonight she hasn't disobeyed since. I do know that it made an impression, and that I cannot and will not have another week like this last week. I will lose my mind if I have another week like this last week.

Lord, please don't let this week be like last week.

It's a simple prayer, and I need you to fill in the rest because I am tired.

I just want to be a mom that promotes peace and honors you in raising my children.

I don't deserve them,

but in your wisdom, you gave them to me.

And I know that if you gave them to me,

then you will give me the wisdom to raise them to your glory.
I'm counting on that this week.

Day 342: In One Week

2011-12-10T20:35:00.000-08:00

In one week, we get to bring home our kitten.

In one week, we get to bring home our kitten.

In one week, we get to bring home our kitten.

In one week, we get to bring home our kitten.

In one week, we get to bring home our kitten.

I'm kind of excited.

Begin Operation Kitty-Proof!

Oh, my kids are gonna flip!

Day 341: God Provides

2011-12-09T20:35:00.000-08:00

Case in point.

When there is a need, God provides.

When I got home from all my errands yesterday, I had a voicemail waiting from another semi-employer. I had worked for The Children's Place on Black Friday, and I have a good relationship with people there. I spoke with the manager there letting her know my predicament, and she told me that she could see if she had any hours that I could have there.

She did.

When there is a need, God provides.

It may not be the perfect solution, but it's one that He has provided thus far. I'll take it. I will rejoice in it.

Lord, thank you for getting me through this week.

I know it's not over, but you've already gone before me.

Day 340: Ugh.

2011-12-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

On Monday I called in to work to see what my hours would be, and I was put on hold to speak to our new general manager. He informed me that I wasn't scheduled until a short work meeting in a few weeks and then for one day at the end of the month. Talk about lame.

So, basically, I've lost my job for the month of December, and no one bothered to warn me or anything. That's unacceptable. I understand the severe and seemingly unreasonable hour cuts. I understand that my boss is in an awful position. I don't accept being kept in the dark though.

My plan was to go in today and speak with this manager, and ask for an explanation for this treatment (nicely, don't worry); but I couldn't because he had a family emergency.

Great. I was on pins and needles, thinking and praying over what I was going to say and how I was going to say it (and I'll be honest, a couple times ranting and chewing him out in my head with no intention of doing it in person because that's rude- but cathartic nonetheless.)

I went in to work anyway to speak with another manager, and ask some questions. I'm really glad I did because both he and one of my co-workers were there. As it turns out, we're all in the same boat of frustration, and bewilderment. We're all asking questions to ourselves of, "What do I do?" We spent time, not griping, but simply sharing burdens. My manager can't pay his mortgage. My co-worker can't help at all in the household bills.

As it turns out, it was pretty encouraging to me. I needed the camaraderie of these dear ones that I have the privilege of working with (um, kind of, if I get to work at all).

I'm still intending to speak with the general manager. That is an important and necessary thing that I should do, but I know that the time will come. In the meantime, I know I'm sustained and provided for by God. He'll never let me down. He'll always help in my time of need.

Day 339: Only Wednesday?!

2011-12-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

It's only Wednesday?!

This is what we call a Rough Mom Week. Sometimes sinful natures show their ugly heads in an act of outright defiance against holiness and godliness.

That's what this week is.

It's only Wednesday?!

Lord, get me through this week.

Day 338: Jesus

2011-12-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

ThereforeGod has highly exalted him and bestowed on himthe name that is above every name,

so that at the name of

Jesus

every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that

Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:9-11

Whenever I see a "therefore", I was taught to ask myself, "What is the therefore there for?" And this is a verse that has been on my mind a lot in recent weeks. As our church hears the depths of Hebrews, in small group we just finished studying the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew. There's a lot to be said about who Jesus is, and what he has accomplished and fulfilled. So I have been thinking a lot about Jesus, and all that he is from High Priest, to Savior, to Emmanuel.

So, what is the "therefore" there for?

We find it in the verses before this amazing statement:

...though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

And being found in human form, he humbled himself bybecoming obedient to the point of death,

even death on a cross.

Philippians 2:6-8

Christ had to be born in humility and obedience, fulfilling all that the prophets wrote about him. He had to become a spotless Lamb and die on the cross. Being God, he conquered death, and has victory to the glory of God the Father. There is power in the name of Jesus.

Yes, there is power in the name of Jesus.

Day 337: The Body of Christ

2011-12-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

On Sunday mornings I teach a Sunday school class, and I usually have three kids in it. One of the children is a little girl named Karis. Slowly she's accepting me as a teacher, and that's been a fun journey with her.

On Sunday evenings our church has an AWANA program, and Karis's mom is a helper with my son's age group.

As I drove home from picking up my son from his AWANA night, the thought occurred to me how sweet it is that every week, Karis's mom and I get to bless the child of the other. We just have a blessed kid-swap every week!

The next thought that occurred to me is that things like that make the body of Christ beautiful, amen?

Day 336: Travelling Preacher

2011-12-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

Today we worshiped with some saints in another town, in another church. Casey was filling the pulpit for a pastor who wanted to be at our church for his granddaughter's baptism. That was a good enough reason to so a swap between the churches, and it was a nice blessing to be among God's people, no matter where they are.

After church, we went to a couple's home that attends the church. What's special about them is that we actually knew them from our first ministry in California. They had moved to Oregon while we still were serving down there, and many years later, our paths crossed. It was very nice to catch up and, in some ways, get to know them. We really didn't get much time to spend with them in the past, and this was probably the most time we had ever spent with them!

It really is a sweet thing to know that God builds his church everywhere, and that no matter how far a distance is laid between believers or how much time, there is still the same Spirit and fellowship in Christ.

Father, thank you for the fellowship of your Spirit bought in full by Jesus Christ.

Day 335: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!

2011-12-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

Hark! The herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King;
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!”
Joyful, all ye nations rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th’angelic host proclaim,
“Christ is born in Bethlehem!”

Refrain

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Christ, by highest Heav’n adored;
Christ the everlasting Lord;
Late in time, behold Him come,
Offspring of a virgin’s womb.
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see;
Hail th’incarnate Deity,
Pleased with us in flesh to dwell,
Jesus our Emmanuel.

Refrain

Hail the heav’nly Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Ris’n with healing in His wings.
Mild He lays His glory by,
Born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.

Refrain

Come, Desire of nations, come,
Fix in us Thy humble home;
Rise, the woman’s conqu’ring Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
Now display Thy saving power,
Ruined nature now restore;
Now in mystic union join
Thine to ours, and ours to Thine.

Refrain

Adam’s likeness, Lord, efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Second Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.
Let us Thee, though lost, regain,
Thee, the Life, the inner man:
O, to all Thyself impart,
Formed in each believing heart.

Refrain

I've been thinking about this hymn, especially the words. Read them without thinking of it as just a Christmas carol. It is a song rich with Biblical truths, and doctrine. There is depth.

Want proof that I'm a preacher's wife? In thinking of these things written so eloquently, my repeating thought is, "Well, that preaches."

Day 334: Craft Night

2011-12-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

Yay! A whole night of making things pretty!

Last night was our church's craft night, and it was so nice to be away and share some time with the wonderful women in our church body. There were several crafts to choose from, and the two that I did were the greenery centerpiece and a yarn knotted scarf. So fun!

My hands got all sappy, and my brain nearly exploded from yarn choices, but I survived.

I am so blessed by the church that I am a part of, and it was delightful to have a night out with the girls.

Lord, thank you for sisterhood in your Son.

Day 333: Real Deal

2011-12-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

Today, I got a real deal. I explained on Facebook that when I got my Christmas decor out, I was a little tired of it. I've had things for a while, and it's all fine. But I'm just kind of tired of it. A lot of it I didn't even choose myself. I just was given it, so I used it and that's been fine.

Many women commented that they feel the same way, and that made me feel a little better. I wasn't alone in my boat. That's always nice.

I wasn't complaining. I had just never really experience that before. So it was new, and therefore fascinating enough to make it my status update.

Well, a friend wrote to me, and asked when she could come by to drop something off. What she brought overwhelmed me. She had purchased a gift card to Real Deals, a home decor store, and just gave it to me. She said, "Now go get stuff for your house for Christmas!"

So I did. I got two things that just brightened my holiday. You know, because I like to make things pretty.

Now that's what I call a real deal. That's grace, love, generosity, and joy. You know, a real deal. The real deal.

Day 332: I Can't Wait

2011-11-30T10:44:00.000-08:00

WE ADOPTED A KITTEN!!!!

For Christmas the kids aren't getting a bunch of toys (which they never really do...), and they ARE getting a pet! Our very first pet, with fur. That's much different than one that has a lifespan of approximately 3 months.

He's going to stay at the shelter until it's closer to Christmas. But I can hardly wait.

Lord, thank you for making pets, and that we can have one.

I pray that this new little friend will bring even more joy to our home and be a blessing.

Day 331: A Little Different

2011-11-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things just come together differently than you think they will. The general plan for our household income is that Casey earns the bulk, and then I work eight hours a week to make up for the rest that we fall a little short with just his paycheck. The trick is that I have to get that minimum-ish of eight hours a week. It's not much, but that's about what we need me to do, and because of the way I get paid, it's nice to have the consistency of those eight hours.

Hours are really tight at my work right now though. Through Christmas, there just isn't much work and so hours get cut. My hours were cut this week. That doesn't bode well with our general financial plan. And Christmas is coming. That means there's extra treats to buy, and little gifts to give. We don't do anything crazy, but it just kind of adds up, you know?

This has happened before, and we've always been fine. It creates frustration for me because you would think that I would be able to get a measly eight hours at a part-time job, but I guess thing aren't always what you think. They don't go the way you think.

In light of the disappointment of another week's worth of pay cut from our budget, Casey was given a check. As ~~coincidence~~ providence would have it, it was for about the same amount that I get for a week's worth of work.

So yeah, sometimes things come together a little differently than we expect.

Day 330: All the Time

2011-11-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

I've been helping my husband with the counseling ministry at our church, and it has been really educational and good to support him in it.

One of the many things I like about it is that the counseling isn't meant to be a perpetually ongoing thing. It's meant to serve a purpose to help someone work through a situation through the truths found in God's Word. Tonight marked our last meeting with someone, and I am praising the Lord for the work that he has done in the heart of this individual. I'm thankful that I have been so encouraged in it, and that he has blessed the time.

He has answered so many prayers, and he has done such mighty things through the work of the Holy Spirit. I just give him praise for his goodness and kindness towards myself, Casey and the dear saint that we had the privilege to meet with.

God is good. All the time and in every circumstance, He is good.

Day 329: I did it!

2011-11-27T16:56:00.001-08:00

Making things pretty is one of my favorite things to do. Whether it's spending a long summer rearranging the house and decorating for as cheap as possible, or making food look extra appetizing, making something prettier is something that brings joy to my heart.

So as I'm learning how to use GIMP, I took on the project of making this blog and our family one pretty.

And I did it! Go me!

It brought so much joy to my heart, and every thing that I was able to do successfully was such a victory for me. I'm so thankful for learning new things, and using my creativity, or building on the creativity of others, to make something that is fun, and well, pretty!

Day 328: A Thought

2011-11-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

Serving my family doesn't make me a slave.

Withholding service to my family or with an unwilling spirit does make me a slave- to sin.

Lord, make me a servant, humble and meek.

Lord, let me lift up those who a weak.

And may the prayer of my heart always be, "Make me a servant."

Day 327: It's Time to Hear Play the Music...

2011-11-25T16:54:00.000-08:00

Remember the Muppet show?

Honestly, I don't remember it much. But I do remember enough about the movies and such to know that the new Muppets movie that just came out is really great. We went to it as a family on Thanksgiving, and it was one of the most enjoyable movies I've seen in a long time. The kids liked it, and my husband and I liked it. It was clean and cute and funny. I actually lol'd in the theater. So that's pretty good.

God gives us gifts of all kinds, and one of the things that I want to bring him glory for is all those things that make us happy, even movies. He created people with the ability to imagine, think, dream, laugh, and entertain. Movies, music, plays, and art all reflect qualities held by our Maker, and I rejoice in that.

Lord, thank you for Jim Henson,

and that through his imaginative spirit,

we have things in this world like Muppets, and Sesame Street.

Day 326: Thanks

2011-11-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

This time of year, it's only natural to start looking at what has transpired in the past year. I was doing this, and I am ashamed at how little I have thought about all that the Lord has done for me and my family in the past year. Don't get me wrong. Obviously, I'm thinking about these things as I go along, but it's been a while since I looked at a big picture view of how God has moved in the last year.

My heart overflows thinking about all the ways that we have been provided for, or how prayers have been answered, or for all that we have been given.

A year ago this Thanksgiving, my husband didn't have a job. I was working as much as I could to earn as much as I could for our family. I was very divided in my heart, trying to balance work, home and supporting Casey in finishing his degree. The burden was heavy, and many tears were shed. It was a very trying time, but the Lord always gave comfort. He always provided.

Casey was finishing up his degree. He had worked hard for about four years, and finally, it was the end. He did it! In the spring, he was done. And he finished his Masters in Biblical Studies with straight A's. We made it through the long hours of study and writing to get to the end with minimal debt!

Also, about this time last year, Casey wrote and submitted his book. In this last year, the proposal was accepted, the book was written, and it was published. It is one of my favorite books, and I am really overjoyed to know that I am married to the man who wrote such an encouraging and gospel-filled book. To read the reviews that followed its publication, and hear the compliments and testimonies of it being a blessing, has been so encouraging to me. I am beyond grateful that my husband has had this experience, and I pray that he can do more and more like this.

In January my niece came home from Ethiopia. It was a long and wonderful journey to watch. Knowing that my own adoption in a little way inspired the adoption of this little girl thrills me to the core of my existence. She is beautiful. Her story is beautiful. God has poured out his most abundant grace on her life, and He gets all the glory!

About this time last year, we received the news that my mom was going to start a long health journey. Cancer was discovered, and although it looked very good, there was still a bit of a gnawing fear. No one wants to hear those words. No one wants to fight that fight. What followed in this year has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs of health-related issues. My mom went through 3 surgeries, was on several absences from work, and had medical bills piling one on top of another. The stress of getting well, and paying for the privilege of treatment to get well took a toll. But God always provided. He always gave her strength and faith. This Thanksgiving she is healthy and cancer free. Hallelujah! Our God is a good, good God!

This Thanksgiving, I am only working one day a week. My husband has a job that isn't the best, but we have health insurance. We have been able to get off of assistance, and I am home most of the time. I still need to be creative in how to support our family, but the stress and the burden of our situation a year ago is much much different.

That brings me to my last blessing, and that is hope for the future. We always have hope in Christ. He has gone before us. As a new year begins, so will a long awaited journey to add another to our family. God has been actively working in our hearts to bring us to where we are, and I believe with all my heart that His work isn't done. It won't be done til I see him in glory.

Day 325: Storm Baking

2011-11-23T16:52:00.000-08:00

Something that my mom introduced me to is baking. She is such a great baker, and is always looking for new recipes to try. Come Christmas time, I can count on my mom making a delicious feast of sweets. I've adopted this to a degree, and have come to really enjoy making new things. I have to limit myself though because of having diabetes and all (lame, I know.)

So this week I have gathered the necessary ingredients, and began on my mission to bless my family with some Thanksgiving treats. I have a lot of fun doing it, and it makes me happy to follow in my mom's footsteps.

Thank you Lord for the sweetest things in our lives.

Day 324: Conference

2011-11-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

Norah is my smart little cookie. It's always a blessing to hear what others say about her, because, like most children, she's super-duper good for them, even if she (ahem) isn't all the time for me. So it was no surprise that her teacher wished she could get three more like her in class, and that when I looked at the new seating arrangement, my girl was trusted to be put in the back row.

I think it was an encouragement to me because sometimes we parents get caught up in trying to make sure our children are being instructed properly. We want them to obey and we put forth so much time, effort and prayer to that end. We often get lost in the wondering if they will ever obey perfectly the first time, or ever stop whining.

The truth is, though, that they won't. Do I always obey my Heavenly Father? Do I always approach life with a happy heart?

What I can do for my children is instruct them in the Word, discipline them when it's appropriate, and trust the Lord to work in their hearts to trust in Him and follow Him. The Holy Spirit doesn't need my help, but I am humbled that I can be used in my children's sanctification.

Conferences like that remind me of these things. I'm not a hopeless mess of a parent, just human, a human who is a sinner in need of grace every single moment of every single day.

Father, be my fount of ever lasting grace. I need Thee every hour.

Day 323: Grandma

2011-11-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

Today is my grandmother's birthday, and she is so special to me. I don't know if I will ever know this side of eternity all the ways that my Heavenly Father has used her as a rudder for my sanctification.

It was my grandmother who paid my way through private school, which help pave a solid foundation in learning God's Word at a young age. It was there that I heard the gospel over and over again. It was there that I made friends that influenced what I thought and brought joy to my life.

My grandmother made a lot of things possible for me as I grew up. Living on a very small budget, with just my mom to lean on, my mother's mother stood as a dependable safety net. She helped and gave in ways that I'm sure I don't even know.

She has always been an understanding ear to hear, and a heart ready to empathize with me. She is a stalwart of comfort and support. Her tenderness and generosity compliment her beautiful spirit. She had dazzling green eye that laugh when she laughs, and a feisty streak that is to reckoned with!

Above you see me wearing her rings. I remember my grandmother's hands. I will always remember her hands. When I would spend the night at her house, she would get me settled into bed by gently tickling my feet and working her way up my body telling each part of me "Goodnight little toes... etc." I remember her wedding ring and diamond ring as they would sparkle in the glow of the lamp at the end of a day being thoroughly spoiled. It means so much to me to wear those rings every day.

My prayer is that my hands are used as they were by their previous wearer, with gentleness, hard work, and love.

Day 322: Confessing Calvinism

2011-11-20T15:56:00.001-08:00

Today was another tough text in our church's series in Hebrews, and I'm really impressed with how carefully our pastor walked through a passage that is often misinterpreted.

I got a kick out of how he approached it, "I am looking at this text through the lens of a Calvinist!" (Those aren't his words exactly, but I can't listen to the audio right now to confirm, but that's the gist)

While I heard a couple gasps (not loud ones, mind you), I heard one, "Amen!" in the crowd. I got a kick out of it!

In our experiences that God has walked us through, that word "Calvinist" has been a hot-button word (that's putting it mildly), and I am thankful today that I can sit in a church under a pastor that confesses to be a Calvinist, and know that there won't be a church split over it. Maybe someone will leave, but that's okay. People can pick their side.

My husband was telling me that he couldn't preach if he weren't a Calvinist. He had a lot of things to say on that topic. May he'll blog about it.

Being a Calvinist is having the profound conviction that nothing, absolutely nothing, that I can do will save me. My faith, my salvation, and my security rests entirely on the grace and work of Jesus Christ on my behalf. I was dead in sin, and if it had not been for the divine act of God, I would not have responded to the gospel. The faith I have is not my own. It is a gift of God.

Whew! It's nice to get that off my chest! Yes. I am a Calvinist too. I confess.

One of my favorites (Listen here):

My Lord, I did not choose You,
For that could never be;
My heart would still refuse You,
Had You not chosen me.

You took the sin that stained me,
You cleansed me, made me new;
Of old You have ordained me,
That I should live in You.

Chorus:
My Lord, I did not choose You,
For that could never be;
My heart would still refuse You,
Had You not chosen me.

Unless Your grace had called me
And taught my opening mind,
The world would have enthralled me,
To heavenly glories blind.

My heart knows none above You;
For Your rich grace I thirst;
I know that if I love You,
You must have loved me first.

Day 321: Seasonal Blitz

2011-11-19T15:56:00.000-08:00

In contrast to last night, I went to a few places with specific things in mind, and I was faced with the holidays! Busy! Busy! Busy! There wasn't traffic so much as it was just people. Everywhere. I couldn't browse casually. I couldn't walk easily.

Yikes!

As flustered as I was (it's one thing to go out anticipating crowds, but another to be bombarded with them unexpectedly), I'm glad I got to go out with my mom, kids and niece. I'm looking forward to having my niece and sister over to do a craft that I got, and I anticipate making fun memories doing that!

Beyond that, I picked up paint samples. Oh boy. Watch out. I'm trying to make things pretty again!

Father, thank you for being peace in chaos, for simple fun in crafts,

and for giving me a focus for a reason to celebrate during the holiday season.

Day 320: Nothing and Nowhere in Particular

2011-11-18T15:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just need an evening with people with no agenda or plan. That's what we got tonight. We got fellowship in doing nothing and going nowhere in particular. (In fact, we didn't go anywhere, but that's beside the point.)

It was fantastic.

Father, you have blessed us with great friends.

Bless our times together, and may we have many more of them together.

Day 319: Fulfillment of the Law

2011-11-17T15:54:00.000-08:00

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets;

I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."

Matthew 5:17

Can I say this again?

I. Love. Jesus.

We're in the middle on the Sermon on the Mount in our Bible study. It's not easy to study that sermon because it's pretty hard-hitting to say the least! But one of my favorite things to look for when reading any of the gospels is how Jesus presents himself to the people.

I used to wonder why the religious leaders of the day wanted to kill Jesus. He was healing people, and wasn't that a good thing? To me, it seemed perfectly normal for him to preach what he was preaching because I believe he is the Son of God. Why would you want to kill someone who spoke truth?

I don't wonder that anymore. By God's grace, I understand a little more about where these leaders were coming from, and what exactly Jesus was saying.

I love his statement in the verse above. He came to fulfill all that was written in the Prophets and the Law. Basically, he's claiming that he is the embodiment of all that the Jews studied and believed. Everything was written pointing to him! If I didn't believe that was true, I would probably want him gone too. It's really no wonder to me at all, that things worked out the way they did. (Besides it being ordained by God, but I digress!)

To make this statement even more impressive is that it's in a sermon in which Jesus explains to the people what the Law was really telling them. He was piercing through the legalism and letter of the Law to get to the heart (literally) of the Law. (Not even the Pharisees could listen and not know that they too had sinned.)

Anyway, thing number umpteen-million that amazes me about Jesus: He is the fulfillment of the Law.

Jesus, thank you for being the fulfillment of the Law and for all that means to me.

Day 318: Fulfillment as High Priest

2011-11-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

My favorite sermon series are when there is preaching through a book of the Bible. Topical sermon series have their place, but I like that just focusing on one book is like the meat and potatoes of bible teaching. The book that our pastors are tackling right now is Hebrews, and I'm glad we're going through it. It's not an easy book, but what I appreciate about my church is that overlooking difficult texts is not an option.

There are plenty of texts in Hebrews that are dripping with depth, and I am so thankful for it!

My husband introduced (A Better Rest: 11/06/11) the topic of Christ as our High Priest when he preached last week, and then our senior pastor piggy-backed it this week (A Better Access: 11/13/11). I. Love. Jesus.

We read the Jesus Storybook Bible to our kids, and what I love about it, is that it is a simple way to introduce children to the truth that ALL of Scripture is about Jesus, or pointing to Jesus. As we study Hebrews, this is idea is not lost!

Like I said, at our church, we don't shy away from difficult texts, and a while back we studied Leviticus (yeah, Leviticus!). Understanding the books of that law is so important! If you understand what a high priest does, and what God is communicating to his people about sin, and sacrifice, then it gives you a better understanding of what Christ has done and is doing on our behalf!

So where am I going with this?

I will tell you.

I am incredibly thankful that Jesus fulfills the role of a High Priest on my behalf. He offers me direct access to my Creator because of the perfect sacrifice he offered on the cross. He makes intercession for me perfectly, just as priests of old tried to do for the people. All the blood that was spilled, all the cleansing that was done, could not cover sins. There was still a divide between God and man. We needed a perfect sacrifice, and we needed a perfect High Priest.

Hallelujah! The curtain has been torn, and I am set free!

Days 316-317: To Let Go

2011-11-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

I didn't post about this at the time because I'm a reasonable person (for the most part!) and filter some things that I allow to be "out there". On Sunday evening, I got a call from a friend at church who knows our heart for adoption, and told me about a little girl who needed a home. Without going into details, Casey and I felt that this was something to look into.

We've had some situations like this come up before. Sometimes you hear of someone who is pregnant or some other situation where there is a need for a child to be adopted. All of those instances have been dead-ends (obviously, otherwise I would have another child, duh!), and so I went into this news with a grain of salt, not anticipating anything really.

This time was different though. It was a little bit harder to swallow than other things. As it turned out, this little girl wasn't being relinquished for adoption, although with the little bit of history that I heard, it sounds like that is what will be best for her. That's what was difficult.

It wasn't even that I wasn't going to bring her home. It wasn't that I felt like we were the right family for her and I was disappointed that she wasn't going to join our family. Those thoughts weren't even an issue for me.

It was knowing enough about the situation, and enough about the foster system in our country to know that the road ahead of this little one will be a lot tougher than it would be if she were adopted. That's what broke my heart this week.

I began to think anew about the choice that my own birth mother made. I don't know the circumstances of my birth or the issues that surrounded her. The most important thing that I do know is that she let me go. She made a choice that most likely tore her apart inside, but she faced what was most hurtful and difficult to give me the best that I could have.

What she did has had arguably the most profound influence on my entire life. Her selfless act put me into my family where I heard and received the gospel, and as I think about every circumstance in my life from the places I've lived, to the people I've met, to the very family I belong to, all can be traced back to that one moment when she resolved to let me go.

Her choice points me to God's love, a love that is willing to give everything so that I can live. Her choice teaches me that parenting should always look selfless.

Birth mothers are the unsung heroes of adoption stories. We look at the families, and the journey they go through to decide to adopt and walk through the process. We marvel at the transformation in a child's life when they go from being an orphan to a part of their new family. But we often overlook the amazing, powerful and important decision that a child's first parent makes.

(Sometimes an adoption doesn't look like that, I know, but in most cases there is someone who is letting go.)

So looking through the lens that I have at the situation that was dropped in my lap this week, I guess maybe one can see how this one got to me. Because I personally know the impact of a selfless act in my life, and because I know what kind of life I was potentially saved from, my heart breaks when I hear of a little girl that isn't given what I have been given.

Why? I don't know. I don't know what God has in store for this little girl. I don't know what he has in mind for his glory in her life. I do know that he knows. He knows exactly what he is doing, and he will do all things for his glory.

That is the only comfort I have as I think about her future. Because my God is so big, and strong and mighty, I know that comfort is enough.

Lord, you know every detail of S****'s life, and all the people in it.

You have a plan for her,

and I pray that you would protect her and that she would learn your truths at an early age.

Lord, I pray that the truth of the gospel would take root in her heart so that she can face every situation knowing that all will be worked for your glory.

Protect her heart.

Day 315: On a Dime

2011-11-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

I don't really get where the phrase "turn on a dime" came from, but I know what it means. All to well.

Yesterday was a very pleasant day with the crafting and funness. (Yes, funness. I'm sticking by it.) In the evening things began to turn. Enter cold. Then I couldn't find my Sunday school lesson book. Enter fret. This morning I found the lesson book in my Sunday school classroom, and saw that it wasn't a difficult story and I had a good craft put together. Enter relief. Then church, and it was so very encouraging and uplifting and God-glorifying! Enter worship. Back home, and there was sibling rivalry, building sinus pressure headache, and lack of sleep because of last night's frets that showed their ugly faces in my wretched face. Yet another dime turn.

We are fickle people. At least I am. So many things can make emotions and heart conditions turn on a dime- wherever that phrase came from. God's not fickle though. He's unchanging. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is always right, always just, always good, always constant.

He never turns on a dime.

Now I'm going to go Google the phrase's origin.

Day 314: Christmas Cards

2011-11-12T21:57:00.001-08:00

"Christmas seems to come earlier every year."

Every year I hear this from someone. It never fails. I can count on it. I'm not sure I have an opinion one way or another. When I worked in retail clothing, it seemed as much, but now that I'm not out and about as much, I don't notice the moment that the Christmas decorations get put out.

That's okay with me. I like that I don't notice.

Today my friend and I worked on Christmas cards. I had made some this summer with my niece, and then made more at my open house. Then I got to thinking that I had already started, so why not just make all my Christmas cards this year? It's fun, and gives me something relaxing to do that allows for a creative outlet. So when my friend mentioned making cards, I suggested that we make some together.

It's like big girl play time!

We watched that last portion of Pride and Prejudice (the A&E version, of course), and worked on making fun cards with her ginormous collection of wonderful scrap booking paper.

My kids played and really behaved quite well while we just did our thing, and played a little with them. It was a great way to spend my day. I am so thankful to be able to do stuff like that every once in a while.

And hey, I'm just about done with Christmas cards, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet! Yippee!

Thank you for all the blessings of Christmas, and how it is a season to celebrate

the greatest gift that I could ever be given.

Day 313: Dad

2011-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

Today is my father-in-law's birthday, and I'm so glad that I can call him my dad. I don't have a father, or at least a relationship with my own father. And my husband's dad had become just as much mine as his. That's just an amazing gift that I have been given. And today, I am so grateful that I have a dad and that my children have such a great grandfather.

Day 312: The Cosby Show

2011-11-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

I love the Cosby Show. So when I saw that I could watch it on Netflix, I was so pumped. I grew up watching Cliff and Claire dance, and all the kids fighting and laughing, delivering one-liners. The show was just great.

I'm so glad that there are things like that, that bring back memories and are still entertaining. I like I can watch them and simply have fun.

Sometimes we need stuff like that. I know that I do at least. So tonight I'm grateful for the Cosby Show and all the memories and laughter that it has brought to me both as a child and as an adult. I appreciate little things like that, and know that in every little thing that is good and brings joy, there is a Source from where it all flows.

I never want to forget that it is from the Lord that every thing that brings happiness to me is from the Lord.

Day 311: Car Sick

2011-11-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

I've become slowly more aware of something about myself, and I'm not what has changed to make me this way; but nevertheless, it's happened. I get car sick.

I get car sick. I kind of noticed that I had issues with it after the kids were born, but i never went on that many car trips. So it was never really that much of an issue.

Then we drove to Disneyland. And back.

I did okay on the way down, but I will tell you, on the way back, it was a sad, sad story. I was tired, and I think that added to it. If I'm pretty well rested, then I can do okay, but I was so dizzy that I just laid down in the back seat of our van, and just tried not to throw up.

I learned something on that drive. I learned that I have the most patient husband ever. He just took control of the kids, went with the flow, and got us home as fast as he could. He didn't complain or whine that I was leaving him with all the driving and care for the children. He just did what he had to do while I was feeling nasty.

Wow. I am so blessed.

Thank you for my husband Lord.

He's the best friend I could ever have, and the best teammate ever!

Day 310: Grumps

2011-11-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

I went to a meeting this evening with the school board of directors. I've never been to a meeting like this, and I will be honest in that I would prefer never to go to another. it was frustrating to say the least.

I felt patronized. I felt insulted. I felt shocked. I felt outraged. I felt discouraged.

You see, it's been recommended that my daughter's school be closed. It is being kept open this year, but next year it's on the chopping block of major budget cuts in our local school district. the superintendent spoke down to those in attendance assuming that we don't understand the budget crisis.

Yeah we do. We're normal people who, when there is a budget crisis, make immediate cuts to our household budgets and not waste every dime we have and then get forced into cuts. That's where the school district is now.

But I digress...

So I was there at the meeting to show them that I wanted my daughter's school to stay open. In fact, I was among several who couldn't hardly get in the door. The audience was a sea of red representing the Rosedale color.

I left feeling with a major case of the grumps, and a big feeling of helplessness. Questions keep floating around in my mind. All of them boil down to one question: What are we going to do with our children next year for their schooling?

That's a huge question.

I know a bigger God.

Lord give us wisdom in how to best help our children learn.

Lead us and guide us, and keep us held up by your peace.

Day 309: Made it!

2011-11-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

I made it! I made it through October, and I made it through the first week of November with the open house!

I made it!

Big sigh of relief.

Thank you Lord for simply getting me through every single day!

Day 308: Papa Can Preach

2011-11-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today I got to hear my husband preach again. That in itself is a blessing, and then add to that all the comments and sweet things that people say about my husband after he preaches. That just warms my heart.

He likes preaching, and I believe that he will someday preach more frequently. But for now, that's not God's plan, and I'm thankful for any opportunity that he gets to share God's Word.

Every time my husband preaches, it's nice to see how our children react, especially my daughter. She remembers more of his former pastorate, and she is more keenly aware of daddy's desire to work full time in ministry. On a Sunday morning when daddy is going to preach, she seems much more content. She knows that daddy is doing something that he's gifted to do, and even though she doesn't listen, I think she likes that he is simply preaching that morning.

So today that's what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful that Casey got to preach this morning, and that the Word went out, as it does every Sunday. But this Sunday it was from a very familiar source.

Day 307: Not even gonna try...

2011-11-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

... to catch up on what I have missed. I just missed a bunch. October ran away with me, and that's all there is to it.

October held Upward Flag Football and Cheerleading, and we had both kids involved. Both of us were head coaches. I. Am. Not. A. Cheerleader. I'm going to be honest, and it's not something that I am proud of; but I used to think that cheerleading was really dumb. I thought it was too easy to be called a "sport". I thought it was silly that people could get varsity letters in high school cheerleading.

My tune has changed. It's not easy. I would practice and practice my brains out until I could learn a simple cheer. You have to have an awareness of what all your limbs are doing at the same time. I don't do that. I lack full body awareness, and it became a running joke on our squad about how many times Coach Kelly would mess up.

Yeah, I'll take a big, heaping piece of that humble pie, thankyouverymuch.

Getting through the Upward season was a challenge for me. I'm not one to do things unless they are easy. It's not something that I'm proud of, and I believe that God brought me to this task to show me this character flaw for his glory. If there is something that is too much of a challenge, I tend to just let it go. I could not do that this season. Nope. I was the coach. I had to be there. I had to actually teach these poor unsuspecting 6 and 7 year-old girls how to perform tasks that I could barely do.

Big. Slice. Please.

I'm so grateful for it though. God showed me that I can't just bail on things that are too difficult and that I need to try new things and stretch myself. If I don't, then I may miss our on a big blessing. I had eleven girls on my squad that I got to share the gospel with multiple times. By the end of the season, some of them were clinging to me and giving me huge bear hugs.

I guess it didn't matter if I could teach them a herky. (Oh yes I did just bust out some cheerleading jargon!)

___

In October, I also plugged along teaching Sunday school. I'm really loving my little ones. We have a blast. It's interesting what they remember. The biggest thing that they like, that I do, is I sing a good morning song. They love it! I love that they love that. God is so good to allow me the privilege of teaching these children every week.

___

One word. Disneyland.

We went to Disneyland. It is the happiest place on earth, and we were so excited to go. The kids hadn't a clue that we were leaving, and we told them the morning of. And they were so good the whole time. The only breakdowns that occurred were fatigue-induced, and that is just to be expected to some degree.

I may or may not elaborate more on that subject. It just depends on what comes to mind.

___

Finally, and I will not get into it a lot, but we are finally at the point where we feel that the time is right to start adopting. I did a little fundraiser, which will keep going until the 12th to get us started a bit, and it's just an exciting thing.

I will get into that more later, believe me.

___

In other news, I only spent $3.50 on Halloween, and that's only because our children chose to be bugs. It was too easy to put together bug costumes for myself and my husband. We were a spider, butterfly, ladybug, and bee respectively. We had a very buggy Halloween.

And I still haven't watched Luther this year marking the anniversary of when Luther posted the 95 Theses. I find this unacceptable, but what are you going to do?
___

God is good. He is good all the time. He's good when I mess up the words in a cheer, and he's good when I see smiling faces on kiddos at Sunday school. He's good when I spin with my family in a giant teacup. He's good when he guides my path. He's good when I tape giant black dots on my shirt and wear black Fuzzoodles on a headband.

Day 280: I don't know what happened to the background color on the last post.

2011-10-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

The title of the post has nothing to do with this post. I'm just saying. I don't know what happened, and I don't know how to fix it.

(subject change)

Today as I was about to leave to take my children to AWANA, they worked together to sing a song:

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do...

Yes, little ones. Hold on to that truth. Live by it. Cling to it in life's most difficult days.

Praise the Lord for his might, his glory, his strength!

Day 279: Spurgeon Quote

2011-10-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

"Even life is a gift of divine bounty to such undeserving ones as we. Only the Lord can keep us alive, and it is his mighty grace that preserves the life we have forfeited by sin."

- Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Time and again, we are justified in naming our son after this "Prince of Preachers." Some may read this quote and think it too critical of man, but I read it, and find it magnifies God's grace.

Lord thank you for sustaining my every breath, and for giving each breath life more abundant. It is to you that I owe everything I have- which is nothing that I have earned.

Day 278: Pot Roast!

2011-10-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

The weather has turned to be more cool and rainier. I welcome the change, and am glad to have weather that makes me want to cook! I have missed wanting to bake something, but not be willing to heat my home by even 2 degrees. Now, that it's cooler, of course I welcome the warmth of an oven. I relish the opening of the door to let all the warm air out while cooling the oven down.

I also love the return of comfort food, like pot roast. Ah, the first pot roast of the season! And to make it even better, we had our dear friends over for dinner. Our kids were so excited, they could barely get to bed.

It was such a nice evening, and it was exactly what we needed. I love hosting people in my home, and I really like to have opportunities to get better and better at it.

Lord, thank you for simple things in life like pot roast, cool weather, and warm friends.

All of these are good blessings that only come from you.

Thank you

Day 277: I finally got to make an appearance...

2011-10-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

... at our Bible study.

Okay, maybe the word finally is a little melodramatic, but it felt like it took forever for me to join in. I mean, it was the l o n g e s t week. Well, okay, it felt like the longest week.

Really, though, I'll be reasonable now. To put it simply, I was blessed. I was blessed to be there and sit under my husband's teaching. I was reunited with people who I love, and we were able to laugh and talk about things of the Lord. And it was a great time.

Now I just have to wait two weeks before I can go back because we'll be gone.

Ugh. That's forever!

Thank you Father, for the fellowship of friends.

May we come together again, to study your Word and bring you glory.

Day 276: Alligator

2011-10-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

Haddon is my kiddo who is not like other kids. He doesn't speak as well as others. He doesn't think like others. He doesn't act like others. He doesn't play like others.

That's okay with me. I like Haddon for who he is. What that doesn't mean is that I don't want him to grow and learn and change in certain ways.

The other day, he unloaded his backpack from pre-school, and pulled out an alligator puppet. He had colored it in a scribble-like manner, but generally staying around the lines, and he proceeded to say, "Ay! A-a-a alligator!"

He's learning.

I like that about Haddon.

Day 275: Second Turnaround

2011-10-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

My daughter's classroom needed a turnaround. There was no doubt about that, and the class is on its way to a lesser level of chaos. A huge weight has been lifted off one shoulder.

But one weight remained.

The Upward weight.

Things have been pretty rough for me in this coaching season. I've had difficulty controlling the girls and getting them to listen. Parents haven't been too involved, and it's been a struggle to get them to commit to helping out. It's just been an overall discouraging season, and to be honest, I've been counting down the weeks until it was over.

I sought out some help though. I got some good ideas from some people, and sent an e-mail to parents detailing what I needed to happen at tonight's practice.

Finally. It was a practice that went well. The girls listened, and parents jumped in where I needed them to, and we got so much accomplished.

Finally.

I needed this second turnaround. A lot.

A lot.

Day 274: In which I went to the movies

2011-10-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

So a few days ago I saw this movie (trailer above), and I found it to be so encouraging. There was hardly a dry eye in the house, and it is a great challenge out there for men to stand up and be leaders of their homes. To be a godly husband, father and leader truly takes a lot of courage. Every day we are tempted to be less than what God has called us to be, and men have a truly high calling whether it be leading their home, leading at work, or leading the church.

These are challenging times when men are tempted by so many things to take their hearts away from what it right and true. Pornography is way too easily accessed. Promotions are easier to acquire through less than honorable means. Jobs are very demanding. Video games are addicting, and sports are very appealing. All of these things can draw a man's heart away from God and his Word. All of them can sneak into the place of a wife and children.

Families suffer when fathers aren't present or do not lead.

This film brings that to light is a dramatic way, and I am thankful that it was made.

Even more than that, I'm thankful for my husband who is courageous in standing for the truth, leading his family and loving us.

Day 273: A Good Day

2011-10-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

At the risk of seeming like a moody person, I will say that this has been a very challenging week that has ended just the way I have needed it to. I have been emotionally drained. The weight of Norah's class, and the discouragement from how the cheerleading season were taking their toll.

Yesterday was a very good day for Upward. The girls responded better, and I have some hope that I can help get things going in a better direction.

Friday night I also got to have a date night with my husband, which I will write about later.

Today, was such a nice Sunday. Sunday school was so fun. The kids had a blast with their craft, and it seems like having the high school students teach for the second hour is really starting to get into a groove. From what I could tell, they had a very good morning as well.

Our pastor began a new series in the book of Hebrews, and he gave such an encouraging message, one of his best, about who Christ is. It was truly a blessing to hear Christ preached.

There was a baptism in service, and that will never cease to move me. Whenever I see someone step out in obedience and declare their love for God, it moves me deeply and brings joy to my soul. I love baptism!

I enter into this next week with hope. I needed that so badly. I was getting so worn down and discouraged.

Day 272: Turnaround

2011-10-01T22:29:00.000-07:00

What a difference a day can make!

Yesterday I experienced a turnaround. I got a phone call from a parent from Norah's class, and she told me that things were very different in the classroom today. There was a system for managing behavior, and the class was better than any other day.

I didn't even want to take Norah to school. I didn't want her to be there. I was so discouraged about the way the class wasn't monitored and the chaos of the day that I just didn't want my daughter subjected to it anymore. But my girl came home lighter than I have seen her. She told me all about how they now have new cards and that she needs to keep hers green by behaving and staying on task. She told me how all the kids were better and how everyone was able to get their jobs done!

I don't know what happened in the heart of the teacher. I don't know if it was the e-mails she got or if it was just time for her to be fed up as much as the parents were, but something turned around. I actually look forward to going into the class on Monday now.

Praise the Lord!

Day 271: Isla Belle

2011-09-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Isla is my niece. Isla is a beautiful 3 year old today, and I am going to miss her party.

She is a spit-fire, if I ever saw one, and she is sweet and funny and just a joy. I love that little niece of mine, and I am so so grateful that I get to be her aunt.

Lord thank you for Isla.

She is such a treasure, and I love her!

I pray that she will grow in wisdom and in internal beauty.

I pray that she would be a godly woman as she grows and that you would give her parents wisdom in how they should help her grow in you.

I pray that she would believe in Jesus and trust in him at a young age.

I pray that she would follow him faithfully and be a light in this world, honoring him in all she does.

Day 270: E-mail Time

2011-09-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Three times. Three times I have been in my daughter's class, and today was the last straw. I have talked with teachers, and fellow parents. I have weighed options, and today you can stick a fork in me because I am done.

It's e-mail time.

It's time to write an e-mail to Norah's teacher expressing my concerns, and hope that we can have a good discussion.

I don't know what will come of this. I don't know what will happen. All I know is that I've given it some time to turn around, and things are not getting any better. It's time for action.

Oh Lord, please let that e-mail be received in a positive light. I want so badly for it to be productive and help things and not make things worse.

Day 269: Break

2011-09-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

We're trying to have me work just one day a week. We hope that's enough. Today was that day, and I needed it.

There's really not more to say than just that. I'm discouraged. I'm worn down. This is an exhausting week, and I needed a break. I guess I needed to go to work.

Seems weird to say that, but at work, I don't have to think about what's going on at Norah's school. I don't have to be concerned with cheerleading. I don't have to think about anything that's bothering me because I am there to work and help the people in front of me. I am there to bless people with better vision, and that is enough.

It was a break.

And I needed it.

Day 268: Grilled Cheese

2011-09-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm really not that obsessed with having food titles for blog entries, but it just makes sense tonight.

This is the start to a discouraging week. First, I was in Norah's class yesterday, and well, I won't get into that. Second, and mind you, it's only Tuesday, I have the worst cheer practice ever.

I wanted so badly to have a fun time doing Upward. It really is a fun thing to do and a fun league. I really enjoy being with the girls, and I'm even liking learning cheers (as silly as I feel doing them!). But I have little support from parents. I have a hard time controlling the girls. It's just not going well.

I cam home tonight feeling very discouraged. I was bracing myself for outcries against the chili that we had planned to make, and I started in on some grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids.

Haddon was summoned to the table, and upon seeing his plate, cheered, "Yay! I love the cheese!"

Oh that boy. I just love him. Countless times he has brought a smile to my face when all I wanted to do was cry. Who knew that having a grilled cheese sandwich could bring such delight to a little boy? Not me, but I am sure glad it did. I needed that burst of joy because it rubbed off on my spirit.

Sometimes all it takes is a grilled cheese to turn some things around.

Lord, thank you for grilled cheese sandwiches. Thank you for my boy.

Day 267:

2011-09-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

Lord, I don't know what you would have me do with Norah and her schooling. You know all the details. You know her teacher's heart. You know all the children and the people that are involved and I know that you have a plan.

You know my desire to honor you with Norah's education and for her to benefit from knowledge and to learn and grow. Please help Casey and I make the right decisions and take the right actions to be her advocates. Help me help her teacher, and help me to have a loving spirit towards her and to keep patience.

I don't even know what else to say, except, your will be done.

Day 266: Getting up, and going down

2011-09-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

In our home we have a routine. Well, it's some sort of routine. I get up, and Casey goes to bed. Casey get's up, and I go to bed. We call daddy our owl. He's up all night, while the kids and I sleep. While he sleeps the day is buzzing by with activities of the rest of the family.

I know it won't last forever. I just look forward to seeing what God will do to get him out of this nocturnal routine.

Lord grant me patience, and fill me up with gratitude for how you have provided.

I remember a year ago, I was struggling as the bread winner,

and this year, I am happily working less and Casey has taken that role back.

Thank you for allowing us to be where we are,

and I pray that this isn't where you would have us stay for too long.

But even if you do, I will still praise you in the getting up and going down.

Day 265: Where is FALL?!

2011-09-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today was a hot day for Upward football and cheerleading. I am so wiped out, it's not even funny. Where is the fall weather?!

Okay.

Sorry.

Let's not complain.

The weather really is lovely and warm. For a normal day of hanging out, it would have been much more enjoyable to me. We've really had such a pretty September, and it really is nice to have summer extended.

I am ready though. I am ready for fall and rain and cider and blankets. I always like putting on more clothes- especially if they are scarves or gloves or coats. Oh, how I love me a good warm coat!

Yes, all of God's seasons are beautiful, but I have to ask: Where is fall?!

Day 264: Yeah, it's what I thought

2011-09-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was my first day in Norah's class.

Um, the parent who had concerns, now has a person who shares those concerns- me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that I can't allow my daughter to be in a classroom so poorly managed.

It seems that I need to be in there a few more times to get a better handle on what actually going on in there. I mean, it is the beginning of school. There's always a few rough weeks at the beginning. There are definitely things to watch.

Lord, I don't even know what to ask or what to pray.

I know that I just need your wisdom to be able to know what to do for Norah.

Show me what I am to do.

Day 263: Big Sister

2011-09-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

My childhood was filled with a few people, and those few people played very important roles in my life. I had just my mom, my sister and my grandma. They were who I had, and for me, they were all I needed. Each one of these women played a special role in helping me become the person I am today. God used them as agents of grace in my life to give me love, security and guidance.

I am six years younger than my sister. If I were to say that I am the baby of my family, it would be very, very accurate. So I'll say it- I am the baby of my family. My mom provided for my sister and I and carried the burden of fulfilling the role of two parents. My grandma was our saving grace, filling in the gaps wherever she could.

And then there was my sister. She was 13 going on 20. She was responsible, and treated me so well and so kindly. She watched out for me, and was so patient with me. She helped mom by cleaning and doing things around the house, and that I didn't even notice or really think about until I was much older.

My sister was a huge carrier of God's grace to me and my mom.

Today is her birthday. We went to lunch, and had a nice time together- just me, her, my mom, and Seble.

My sister Amber is an example to me in so many things and in so many ways. I can talk to her about anything and rely on her. She's the person that I will know the longest in this world- Lord willing, and I would have it no other way. I am so grateful for the relationship that we have and how it has grown and changed over the years.

Amber is one of my best friends. She is my sister in the sweetest senses of the word. We are bonded through Christ, and we are bonded by family. She is one of my greatest treasures.

Happy birthday sister!

Day 262: Ahead

2011-09-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Today I started ahead! I hardly ever start ahead- well, at least maintain it! I got things done today and it feels so good! I want to be ready for tomorrow and being in Norah's class, and some other fun things that I have planned. So, it's just nice to be able to go into tomorrow with some things done.

Thank you Lord for allowing stuff to get taken care of today!

Help me stay ahead more often!

Day 261: Uh-oh, is that a storm?

2011-09-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to think of it. I had a feeling that things may not be all that great in Norah's first grade class, but tonight it seems that at least one parent isn't thrilled with the prospects for this year.

We had our back-to-school night, where we got to meet our daughter's teacher and see some things in the class. I look forward to these sorts of things because they often answer a lot of questions.

But tonight, I have more questions.

There are a lot of things going on in our life right now with Upward and such, but this is something that I intend to look at closely. I'm looking forward to getting into my daughter's class and seeing what things are like for myself.

Oh boy. I hope there's not a storm coming.

Day 260: Lasagna!

2011-09-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Simple pleasures are the best!

I made a decision today that I would make lasagna, and in looking at my Groupons, I saw that I had one for Great Harvest Co. So, I loaded my boy into the car and took him on some errands with me.

We arrived at the bakery just in time. There it was, on the baking schedule: "Cheese Garlic Bread- 12:00" I was right on time. Out a new, warm, delicious loaf came from the oven. It smelled delightful, and I had to try it while it was still warm. Then it filled up my home with it's wonderful aroma.

Combined with lasagna, which I haven't made in so long, it made for a most delicious meal that we were able to eat as a family.

Yes, the simple pleasures are the best!

Day 259: Every Single Month

2011-09-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Every single month. It's like clockwork. I am always surprised. I get moody. I get grumpy. I get easily irritated. I get to be the worst version of myself.

Every single month.

I get shocked and discouraged at my behavior, glance at the calendar, and realize, "Oh. That's why."

Seriously, this is a discouraging cycle- pun intended. How can I break my monthly grumps? I'm really tired of it, and my guess is that my family isn't exactly jumping for joy over this about every 4 weeks.

Seriously.

Every single month.

Lord, help break this cycle- you know, the cycle that I can break, not the other one.

I'm only going to change if you help me by your Spirit.

Fill me up with your Spirit that the cycle can be broken.

I don't want to get discouraged like this every single month anymore.

Day 258: What I Really Wish...

2011-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

... is that I had the ability to get my storybook project going. I wish I knew how to use the program I need to use better. I wish I could learn it faster. I wish I could make these adoption storybooks so that I can bless people.

I just can't work on it right now. The plate is too full. This is a project that has to be put on the back burner. There's other things that are too pressing.

It's just going to have to wait.

Waiting seems to be the biggest theme of anything adoption. Anything that is worth experiencing and of any value involves a lot of waiting.

So I'll wait. I'll do what I need to do now, and I'll wait.

Lord, please don't make me wait too long.

Day 257: Fall Came FAST

2011-09-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Everything has been coming on so fast! It seems that September hit, and started rolling, and I have been running to catch up!

Upward, counseling, small group, school, and cleaning... it's all going on, and sometimes it feels like a whirlwind.

Lord help me. Sustain me. Help me do everything well and to your glory.

Day 256: Getting Things Rolling

2011-09-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest blessings of the last year was being involved in a small group Bible study. And tonight we got to get back together and plan for this year. We're missing some, and we're gaining some. All in all, I'm happy to be a part of the group, and I pray that this year we will be blessed even further and be able to enjoy the fellowship and growth in Christ more and more.

So, let's get it going already!

Lord, thank you for the people you bring into our lives.

I pray that I would bless them as much as they bless me.

Day 253: Belated Michelle

2011-09-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

Birthdays are a great thing, and I really like to celebrate them. But sometimes things get belated, especially things like birthdays.

Michelle had her birthday a few days ago, and I didn't write about it on that actual day. So here I am. Belated blogging. (I really do that a lot, to be honest. Fortunately not many people read or follow this blog of mine. So I can be belated.)

I love Michelle. She's become a very dear friend. She saves my day so very often it's ridiculous. She helps me think of creative things to do, and often gives me creative things to do- or just wants me to assemble furniture or move it- either way, it requires some level of thought or creativity.

So, today, though belated, I recognize her birthday. I am very very grateful for her friendship as well as her husband's. They are an encouragement to my husband and I, and our children love love love them!

Sharing our home and our lives with my friend Michelle and Devin has been one of the biggest blessings of the year. I thank the Lord for bringing our families together, first in Christ and then in friendship.

Day 252: I Remember

2011-09-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

It was a morning like any other, for the most part. I don't know what I did the day before, and I really don't remember what I did the day after. I do remember that day.

My mom woke me up.

"Someone has flown a plane into the World Trade Center."

Even typing those words is a haunting thing. My initial reaction was, "Oh, someone is in trouble!"

Those were the first words out of my mouth. I don't know why. I was immediately thinking of the justice that needed to be done maybe. I don't know. I just knew it was something big.

I came to my living room, and all else that was in my mind went away. Images of people hurt, crying, scared and covered in ash made every other thought fly away.

Then I saw the towers. Smoking. It was surreal.

Then one fell tower. I was numb. You can't really absorb a thing like that. You can't really take it all in at a moment like that.

Then the other fell.

All day, I remember my thoughts being engrossed with information and images. Over and over, I saw the plane fly into the second tower. All day I watched them fall. All day I thought about the people and the buildings. Tower One. Tower Two. The Pentagon. The Field. With each new revelation of the events of the day, the weight in my mind was heavier and heavier.

Planes were grounded. America stopped. All eyes were fixed on New York and Washington and Pennsylvania.

I remember.

The day was stunning.

I remember driving down Cordon Road and listening to my president give the biggest speech of his life. For a man who was often teased for stammering or mispronouncing words, he was flawless. He was resolute. That day he was the leader that the people of the United States needed him to be. He was, in every sense of the word, name and role, the President.

I remember.

My country hasn't been the same since. My people haven't been the same since.

I remember.

God bless America, land that I love.

Stand beside her, and guide her

through the night with the Light from above.

Day 251: Brookie

2011-09-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

There are friends that stick, and my friend Brook is one of them. I have known her since my high school days, and although there are sometimes long stretches when we don't see each other, it's never difficult to start up right where we left off.

I got to visit with her today, on her birthday, and it was very sweet. It was too short, but it was sweet nonetheless. We talked about her new babe #2 due soon, and I got to dote over her daughter.

Brook is one of the truest and sweetest friends that anyone could ever ask for. She's a beautiful wife and mom, and her heart belongs to Jesus. I know that I can count on her in a pinch, and rely on her loyalty no matter what.

Today I am very glad that I have a friend like her. It's truly a gift from above.

Happy birthday, Brookie.

Lord, protect Brook, especially in her last weeks of this pregnancy, and may she be blessed as she embarks on being a mother of two. Give her wisdom and strength in the days ahead and prepare her heart for all the joys that a new baby will bring. Bless her and her husband, and may they grow ever more in love with each other. Be at the center of their home, and bless it.

Day 250: It Just Gets Better

2011-09-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things strike you, and it puts you to thinking. Such a thing happened to me just this evening. I'll explain:

I learned that yet another person that I went to school with is now divorced. Don't get me wrong. I have no judgments on the marriage. I have no opinions. I just simply lament another marriage ending, two people being torn apart, and children not having parents working together side-by-side, in love, to raise them and model a Christ-church relationship. I think it's worth mourning. I think it's worth taking pause and being saddened by it. (If you're reading this, and you have suffered through divorce, my prayer is that you would not feel added guilt or shame. That is not my intent at all.)

That's what I did this evening. I shared with my husband that it made me so sad, and I shared with him that it also drives me to thankfulness.

With every passing year, I am more deeply committed to my husband. I love him more deeply. I care for him more deeply. Separation seems more and more to be an impossibility. Marriage isn't easy, and if I were to sit here and write about it's ease, I would be a liar and a hypocrite. But there is much to be said about the longevity of marriage cementing the vows taken all the years long ago. As time goes on, the idea of life without my husband seems absurd. It truly does. Short of the Lord calling him home, it just doesn't even seem feasible.

In saying this, I don't mean to seem prideful or that we are immune to the temptations and hardships that can arise in the life of a marriage, but I am just so thankful for the peace I have in being married to the man I fell in love with in my youth (not that I'm so old, but I was younger then than I am now!). I pray that God gives both he and I the strength and determination to hold fast to that love as the years roll on and we grow older with each other. I pray that every new phase of life and marriage does not work to tear us apart, but brings us closer together and makes us stronger.

It is a fragile thing, holding some one's heart, and allowing them to hold yours.

Lord, may I be worthy of holding my husband's heart.

May we cling to each other

and live life in light of your Word so that we may withstand all the trials that may come our way.

Day 249: I'm a Mommy to a First Grader

2011-09-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

My daughter started school yesterday. It was her first day of first grade. She's too big, and she's growing up too fast. I'll be honest, I had a hard time it. It's a long school day, and the idea of that much of my daughter's day being taken up by school is kind of difficult for me to swallow.

When I wanted to be a mom, I thought the hard part would be disciplining, and teaching them the ways of the Lord. And I think that's true to a degree, but I think maybe the most difficult part is realizing that I am simply the steward, and God is in control. The hardest part is letting them go, and seeing them grow. Inch by inch, day by day, they gain more and more independence, and with that is an increase in realization that I am completely dependent on God to carry them through this life.

Lord, help me let go, and put Norah into your hands.

Give me strength to watch her learn difficult lessons,

experience pain,

and grow into the person that you created her to be.

Help me stay out of the way and use me where you want me to be used.

Give me wisdom to determine which times are which.

Thank you that you have already gone before me, and are working in my heart every step of the way.

Day 248: Happy Birthday Husband

2011-09-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrate 31 years of my husband's life.

I love my husband. I love the way he talks, walks, listens, and acts. I love his big blue eyes, and that he passed those eyes on to our children: Norah the big part, and Haddon the blue part. I love when he laughs, and when he talks about something he's passionate about and that what he is usually talking about with passion is something to do with God, ministry or Scripture. I love how smart he is, and that he can understand things and have such clarity of mind on so many matters. I love that he will do what he needs to do to provide for our family, and that in the course of our marriage, that hasn't been easy- but he has never backed down from that responsibility, that honor. I love how he coaches our son's football team. I love that he listens to our daughter's stories and asks her about her days. I love that he is ticklish and that he tickles his children. I love that he enjoys spicy foods, and that he tries to make new things. I love that he does a good job at it!

Yes, happy birthday, Husband. I love you always and forever.

Day 247: Being an Upward Coach...

2011-09-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

... is proving to be quite humbling. I am not a cheerleader. I am not coordinated, and I do not remember things very easily. My first two practices, I forgot things, and tonight's practice was really not very smooth.

But for all my poor attempts at being a really stellar coach, there's much value in what I'm doing. These little girls think that myself and my assistant coach are really cool- sometimes. And they have such open hearts.

Last week I had one of my girls break down in tears and shy away from the group for about a quarter of the practice. She was terrified of the devotional time when I would ask questions of different girls. Great. Coaching fail. It was the second week, and I had already broken a little girl's spirit!

But what started as a bit of an ordeal last week, turned into something much better this week. I spoke with her mom, and tried to make sure that I didn't single her out in any way. At tonight's practice, she was right at my side during the mid-practice huddle, and she smiled for the first time without prompt. She participated in all the cheers and chants that we were doing, and I caught her smiling even more! That made me feel better to see her feel better! I hope that she comes out of her shell more and more, and I pray that I have wisdom in how to relate to her and not scare her back into said shell.

This week another girl got really sad in the middle of practice. So while my assistant coach, who actually knows something about cheerleading, taught the girls jumps, I spoke with my melancholy sweetie. She was overcome all of a sudden with nervousness about the first day of school, and our first game. I got to talk with her and reassure her that everything would be alright and that she would do so great on her first day of school. Slowly her frown turned into a smile, we hugged and she returned to practice.

What I'm experiencing as an Upward Cheerleading Coach is that although I run practices and have to learn cheers, what I'm really doing is building relationships with little girls, sharing truths from Scripture, and helping them see how precious they are in God's eyes. by the end of the season, I will have the opportunity to share the gospel with them all, and I pray that as I love them, encourage them and laugh with them, that they see the love of Christ.

That is of much more value than whether or not I remember cheers or make mistakes.

Day 246: In Which I Read Too Much Austen

2011-09-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have been engrossed with Jane Austen's Mansfield Park all day. I am just too curious how it will end. I have done my best to not know any of the plot as to not spoil it for me, and I am enjoying it.

I'm very grateful that God has given people such imaginations, and a talent of spinning a tale that can offer commentary on certain times and sensibilities, even lessons in wisdom. I really do marvel at how diversely God made all his image-bearers. No two people are alike, and no two people can bring him glory in the same way. He has a plan for each person, and delights in who we are because he made us the way we are for a purpose- for his glory.

It's very sweet to chew on that for a while.

Day 245: There's Work to Do

2011-09-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

I did it.

I took the plunge and volunteered to be a regular Sunday school teacher.

Today was my first Sunday doing it, and I'll tell you, I was nervous. I have never taught Sunday school or taken ownership of a thing like this. I have done small groups for teen girls or college students, and I have been on rotations for nursery or children's church, but never, ever have I committed to being the consistent teacher for a kids' Sunday school class.

You know what?

I think it's going to be fun. I already am thinking of ways I can bless the kids in that classroom, and I hope that my efforts are God-glorifying. I think it can be a little intimidating taking on something like that, and I bet there are going to be times when I wished that I didn't volunteer to serve. But I think that it will be a really good experience, and prayerfully, it will be a good thing for the kiddos in my class as well.

So, bring on the construction paper, crayons, glue sticks and flannel graphs!

Day 244: Sharing a Room

2011-09-03T21:09:00.000-07:00

So of all the projects I have undertaken this summer, I think the one that can have the biggest impact will be the bringing Norah and Haddon together to share a bedroom. I pray that they will learn valuable lessons and grow as they share this experience. My hope is that some selfishness may fade away, and that consideration for others will take hold in their hearts. I am very hopeful of what the Lord may do in their lives- whether they share a room or not- but I'm very curious to see what this particular experience with do in his master plan to shape them into who he wants them to be.

Lord thank you for giving my children to each other.

They may not understand it now, but they are on of each others great gifts straight from you.

Day 243: Who? Me?

2011-09-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

My husband has recently worked with another man in our church to start up a counseling ministry, and already they are about maxed out. What's more is that I'm am in the shuffle now as well.

I've never been in a position where I am in such a setting. I have counseled with people, but always on an impromptu, informal basis, never a scheduled and really purposeful Biblical counseling position. Needless to say, the idea is a little intimidating. I have no formal training, but my husband comforted me with the fact that I don't have to have answers, and I don't have to depend on my wisdom or training, I simply look to the Word and direct the person(s) to the Scriptures. God has the answers, and he's given the means to understand how to live life for his glory and our joy.

So, I'm feeling more free about that. Instead of asking, "Who?! Me?!" I can focus on looking towards the one who has given us all we need pertaining to life and godliness, commit it to prayer, and trust the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those I am to come across.

Thank you Lord for giving me a husband that helps put my mind at ease

and on the right track in accordance with your truth.

Day 242: Beach Day

2011-09-01T20:43:00.001-07:00

Today our family went to the coast for the day. We enjoyed going to the aquarium, and wowing over God's creation. We also went to the beach and flew kites.

It was our last outing of the summer before school starts, and it was a beautiful day. We were at a part of the coast that we have never been to. It was truly lovely. It was the prettiest part of the beach that I have been to in a long time. There wasn't much debris on the shore, making the sand really smooth.

It was a particularly windy day so the waves were large and the kites flew very high!

There's a lot to reflect on when you're on the coast. You can't number the grains of sand, and yet so many are God's thoughts towards us. The waves are constant, ever crashing, just like God, faithful, steady. The powerful wind coming across the shore reminds me of the powerful God that controls it, and the effects it has on the patterns in the sand remind me of his faithful work shaping us. The blue of sky and water declared God's glory, and the knowledge of all that lies in the deep is too wonderful to even comprehend.

Needless to say, my heart and mind were full of sweet reminders, as a trip to the beach always does. There are few places in God's world that you can stand and really feel small and yet very significant all at once. But the beach is one of them.

Thank you that your love is deeper than the ocean,

your faithfulness greater than the waves,

and your power mightier than the wind.

Days 217-241: August in Summary

2011-08-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've already posted a disclaimer for this month as just being difficult with a broken computer and all. It really is obnoxious sitting here on this netbook, and typing typos very frequently; but what is a girl to do? Tomorrow the desktop will be taken in (I think), and I hope there will be some reasonably priced solution.

With that in mind, I just feel like I need to- despite wrist cramps- get back to this endeavor of giving God glory for his daily work in my life, and in the life of my family.

August was a month that could be summarized by continued sustenance. God has watched over us at every turn, and has lifted up my spirit in every moment.

My mom has had an interesting month, with the discovery of a mass on her uterus. It was the size of her uterus, and had to be removed. But the mass was benign. And she's on her way to recovery. Praise the Lord!

My summer of organization and purging has moved forward with great gusto. My shed is done. It is beautiful- for a shed. The computer was successfully moved into the kitchen area complete with a desk assembled all by myself. My husband's books are all in our home, and the area is almost done. There are two things left to do: a lamp, and a wall hanging. I also moved out children into the same bedroom. And although it's an adjustment for them, I think it will be a great experience for them.

What I want to accomplish with all these tasks is to have a home that simply reflects what I want to be in my heart. I want our home to be peaceful, well thought out, beautiful, welcoming, and a place that is comfortable. I want God to be honored in how I have tried to do all these things. I hope that he is. It's out of a heart to be a good wife, mother and steward that I do it. It hasn't been easy, but I have enjoyed the journey and relish each victory and accomplishment.

I guess that's August. The Lord brought me through, like he always does. I am grateful for that.

:: Disclaimer ::

2011-08-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

The desktop computer hasn't turned on in a long time. Typing on this laptop/netbook hurts my fingers.

Someday, when the computer is fixed and my fingers won't cramp, will I blitz this goal of mine to write about God's daily blessings, but until then, I need to now go massage my hands. Though I should try to at least write a little just for the sake of my sanity once I do have said dead desktop back.

Sigh.

Ouch.

Day 216: Two More Teacups

2011-08-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

Norah and I visited some antique stores on our way back from vacation, and we had a goal of trying to find some more teacups. We did!

We found many many teacups, but this mommy wasn't going to pay the price that was being asked for many of them. But at the second shop we went to, we found some teacups that met our criteria as well as our budget.

I'm enjoying this adventure with my daughter. I hope that one day she will look back on the search for these teacups and smile at the memories.

I know I will.

I just love having a little girl.

Day 215: All Day Optician

2011-08-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today I worked all day. I was back from vacation, and what else would I do, but work immediately upon return?!

Yeah, that's how I roll.

It was a nice day though. I get to work with great people, and I get to help the best customers. If I have to work outside my home to help provide for our family, this is a great way to do it, and I'm glad that I have that privilege.

I'm just more glad to come home to my children and husband. I still pray that I will be able to come home to them soon, for good, and have their care be my full-time, only job.

Lord, please bring me home soon.

Give me grace to leave it with joy in the meantime.

Days 212-214: Vacation

2011-08-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

Every summer, or at least for the last several summers, my husband's folks invite all the families on a vacation in eastern Oregon. We all pile into our separate cars and pack a ghastly amount of things that are essential to the comfort and sanity for parents and grandparents of young children. Then we spend a certain number of days swimming, riding bikes, and taking walks. Evenings are filled with battling children to go to bed, and card games.

This year was no different. It was nice to get away and spend time with people we love.

Where we live it is a lush valley full of green as far as you can see, and on the other side of the mountains, in the high deserts of eastern Oregon, lies a different sort of beauty, of lodge pole pines, and sage brush. I watched three deer lie in the shade of a tree, and a quail perch on a branch in the heat. Lizards darted in between rocks, and a chipmunk scampered around in the bark dust. Oregon has a very interesting geography that creates such unique and interesting changes in the land. I always take joy in the marvelous way God has constructed the landscape.

I think that's what I enjoyed most this year. I just really loved being reminded of the magnificent way that God has made Oregon, and it's just a delight to my heart to see all the wonders within such a short distance.

Day 211: And Then There Was the Clean-up

2011-08-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Moving significant pieces of furniture in a out of the house, and unpacking boxes of books leaves a wake of, well, stuff. That's now what I have in my home. I have these leftover boxes that just need to something done with them. There's papers to sort- because I didn't sort them before. There's stuff to throw out- because I didn't throw it out before. There's things to put away- because I didn't put them away before (or they just need a new home).

So now the great clean-up needs to start. I'll get a break before the grungy work begins, but then, when I'm back in town, the great clean-up begins. The shed will need to be put together for reals. The boxes must be reckoned with, and the odd and ends must be taken care of.

Oh, boy. What have I gotten myself into?!

Here's the thing though. If God has laid it on my heart that these things need to be taken care of, then He will provide the means for me to get it done. And as I've learned in each step of this organization frenzy, these last nitty-gritty tasks will be well worth it, and I'll feel the blessing and reward of all the efforts I've put forth.

So, let the great clean-up begin (in a few days because I'm going to go and enjoy family on a short little vacation)!

Lord, I'm almost there. Don't let me stop now.

You've brought me this far.

I know I can finish this.

Day 210: In Which I Write of Children's Ministry

2011-07-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

July was my month to serve in children's church. I had fun doing it. I've never felt like I was very good at doing that sort of thing, but I think that God fills in the gaps a lot!

Every quarter I have been taking one month and serving in the 2-3's class, and it has been such a kick. I have been able to serve with the same person, and so we kind of have established a rhythm and have been able to get to know each other better! So that's so neat.

But I have noticed that there is not one person who is consistent in the the next class up for Sunday school. Every other Sunday school class has a consistent teacher every week. I just didn't like that. So I asked if I could fill that gap.

Um, yeah. That's definitely what I needed to do. The scheduling coordinator for the children's ministry was absolutely thrilled, and I guess, oddly enough, that was a huge burden on her heart and something that has been prayed for. I'm not sure how I missed that need. I feel kind of silly to be that dense, but I'm glad that the dots finally connected in my brain.

You see, spiritual gifts are more than just a way that God has gifted you to bless the body. It's any opportunity that you get to bless the body. He equips us to fill the needs in the body as our hearts are willing to be used.

I'm not sure how I will do with Sunday school. But I know that I can love those kids and have fun. I'm a mom, so I know I can set limits and stick to them. So I know I can control a crowd. I guess if I can do those things, God will use that to help shape these little ones.

I'm looking forward to September. I'm looking forward to the Lord stretching me and using me in the lives of these 4-5 year old children. I'm looking forward to having fun!

Lord prepare me to be an example and a fun teacher for these little ones.

Use me in the plans that you have for them.

Day 209: Projects, Projects, Projects

2011-07-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

My day was spent in a nearby small town where my mom and sister live. I packed up the van with a bunch of things that will be sold in a garage sale next weekend, and loaded up the last couple things that I have started and have wanted to finish. Oh yeah, and my kids too. They, of course, were along for the ride.

I took the stuff over to my sister's home, and then proceeded to my mom's where we finished up a baby doll for my niece Seble, and finished the last two pillow cases for my living room couches.

Can we all just take a big sigh of relief now?

***Ahhh***

I'm so thankful that my mom helped me finish these things. I would not have been able to figure it out on my own! I thought that Seble's doll was something that I could do, but I couldn't do it on my own. Poor me! My sewing skills are just way not up to snuff! But my super-mom saved the day for me. The last two pillows have been sitting unfinished, and so it was so great to get those done too.

And let me tell you, getting the stuff that has been sitting in our driveway out of our driveway?! Praise the Lord! I'm thrilled to have finally been able to make that final step to get it out. Now it just has to all sell. And I'm sure it will. I have some good stuff, and already some has sold! Hooray!

Thank you Lord for the sweet satisfaction of getting things done!

Thank you for upholding my heart to persevere to the end of some of these projects.

I know there's more to do, but I just praise you for what has already been accomplished!

Your grace and your peace have ruled in this and preserved my heart. Thank you!

Days 204-208: Wrapping Things Up

2011-07-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have been on the go this week. It's a bit of a blur. I'm really working hard to have our home feel more like a home by the end of summer.

It's not like it hasn't been a home. I mean, I'm not one to just have no touch of artistic flair around me. Oh no. Not me. It's just that what our home has been lacking is real organization and smart use of space. That always takes me a while. I'm not an organizer. I'm a person that makes things pretty. So, I'm trying to do both.

It's coming along, and I'm wrapping things up. I've accomplished some mighty big things for me. For one, I bought, assembled, and set up a new computer desk. That's right, I did! I have never in my entire life assembled anything, and I did it. I also moved our computer to said desk, connected all the wires and it actually worked when I was done. I've never done that either.

Since I was able to move the computer, I got our old desk sold- in less than an hour thankyouverymuch. Then my wonder-friend Michelle brought over shelves and then began the process of getting all my husband's books into the house. What used to be a hallway computer area is now a full-blown library. Finally, we saved the books from their solitary confinement, and now they are in the home where the climate is much more controlled and their health will be preserved! I think Husband is pretty happy about that.

There's more organizing to do, but getting these things done feels so good, and I just praise the Lord that he is giving me this peace and freedom as I get things done.

It's not so much the pretty new pillows in my living room, or the lamp shades or even the things (which I haven't really acquired any more things, just have re-done things). But it's just the freedom of making things nice for my family and simplifying so that there can be more peace and productivity.

It think that's what the Lord is working on in my heart the most lately is just this desire for peace. Letting go of stuff that clutters my home and heart, and embracing the situation and home that we are in. We really are blessed, and although this isn't where I want to be forever, I believe that by God's grace I can thrive in it- at least thrive better.

So, I hope that the hard work is bringing honor to God. I hope that he is glorified in my efforts. I'm having fun doing it, and I am enjoying reaping the benefits of those efforts. I think my family will too. I know my husband appreciates it, and although it brings some initial anxiety on my kids, I think it will be appreciated by them in the long run. I'm trying to make it as smooth as possible for them, but it can be difficult. I don't think I'm doing any permanent damage (I hope!).

Lord, may my home reflect the desires of my heart.

May it serve my family. May it welcome family and friends,

and may it, most of all, honor you.

Day 203: You Can't Take It With You

2011-07-24T23:03:00.000-07:00

Husband is currently helping teach a Sunday school class about the theology of money, and over and over again is this idea that we brought nothing into this world and we're not taking anything out of it. So, we might as well bless others with it, storing up treasures in heaven and investing in things that are eternal.

I thought about this especially when we were at that estate sale where Norah and I got our tea cups. Estate sales are different from garage sales. When there's an estate sale it means that someone has passed away, and all the things that are left behind are sold to strangers for extremely discounted prices so that they move fast. Garage sales, are just a purging of belongings from time to time in our lives so that we're not overtaken by our own junk. Both are great places to find deals or just be entertained by what others have in their possessions.

It struck me though how true that idea is of not taking anything with you. Whoever it was who left this world had nothing to take into the next. Every toiletry, clothing item, and piece of furniture stayed in this world. She or he had nothing with them when they met their Maker.

So looking through a house full of things that were collected over the years, made me feel like making sure that I don't bother hoarding possessions just for the sake of holding on to them. I want to have what I have for a reason, and use all that I have to bring God glory.

That's what lasts. I'm going to be judged on that, covered by the blood of Christ where I fall short, and rewarded by God for where his grace enabled me to bring him glory.

Simple as that. The thought brings both comfort and fear. I don't want to miss out on any, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" moments. Those are all too precious.

Day 202: Tea for Two

2011-07-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

I've told my daughter that we would have to get a tea cup collection so that we don't have to scramble if we want to have a tea party. Until today, my intentions hadn't materialized into any action.

After a visit to the park, I took my nephew, and the kids to an estate sale. There we came across a lovely collection of tea cups and saucers. Norah and I debated and inspected, and we walked out of there with our first two tea cups.

Cheerio govena'! We can have a spot o' tea for two!

(Yeah, I know that was lame. I just don't care.)

The fun part was that it was such a random thing. I wasn't intending to stop by any garage or estate sales, but since it was on the way home, I thought it might be a fun adventure. Now that we've done this, I look forward to new opportunities to surprise my daughter with hunts for tea cups. She was so excited, and we really enjoyed that bonding experience.

I'm so thankful that I have a little girl that I can do those sorts of girly things with!

Thank you, Lord for letting me have a little girl!

Day 201: Something to Think About

2011-07-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

We're tired in our home. Husband struggles with his work schedule, and we struggle to support him in it.

Sometimes we're just not ourselves- at least our best selves. You see, maybe the sleep deprivation is really revealing more about who we really are because our guards are down. We can't hide the sinfulness of our hearts as easily when our nerves are raw and our patience is thin. I'm not able to cover up as easily when I get irritated or annoyed. I'm not as good at putting on a front or lightening a mood.

It's something to think about.

Lord, forgive my lack of self-control over my emotions.

Forgive me when I am not the woman that I should be. Please cover me in your grace.

Day 200: What I've Learned So Far

2011-07-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Two hundred days into the year, and I've kept with my resolution, though faltering at times.

So, what have I learned?

Well, I've learned that setting out on a somewhat public goal is a little daunting and humbling, but it does keep me in check. I feel like I have been kept in check in two ways:

1. I can't give up.
2. I can't get too whiny.

Writing every day (or at least my pathetic attempt to) seeking to give God glory each day, keeps my attitude in check. I have bad days, but the habit of giving thanks in all circumstances has kept that in check. And writing through these things in a public forum keeps my attitude in check. I also have the opportunity to be real and honest.

The fact is that not every day is sunshine and roses. God never planned for that. He loves me too much to not give me pain. It is through trials and hardships that I grow stronger in my faith, that God builds my character and draws me nearer to the image of his Son.

In the last two hundred days, I have learned more about my sinful faults, more about God's endless grace, and more about how I need more of the grace to reduce the sinful faults.

Day 199: My Strongest Place

2011-07-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think one of the best lessons in parenting happen when our children have their worst moments. Those moments strip us of all pride, for if we had complete control of our children, there would be no bad moments.

It is in those moments, when the sinful hearts of our children rear their ugly heads, that I know as a mom, I can be my strongest because I know that I am completely and utterly dependent on the grace of God to endure such a moment and have wisdom to discipline and disciple wisely.

When my children behave, when they get along and share, when they listen and obey, that is when it is very easy to think that I am doing things right, or that I can do it myself. That is a dangerous and weak place to be. If I think for a second that my own strength or wisdom is enough for my children, I have stripped myself of all the real power that I have as a parent and child of God.

My strength is never my own, but it is in the grace of God that sustains me and guides me. So when I'm faced with my toughest parenting battle, that reality is simply made crystal clear and I am driven to my knees beseeching the gracious hand of God in the situation.

That's the strongest place I can ever be.

Day 198:That's All

2011-07-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it.” - D.L. Moody

That's all. I can't really add to that.

Day 197: Digital Scrapbooking?

2011-07-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I'm going to get everything together digitally to make personalized adoption books, but I am pretty excited about the prospect of blessing people with it. And after doing a brief Google search, I'm pretty excited to learn to use new things.

After all, I like to make pretty things. And pretty things with a purpose and a very cool meaning behind them are the best kind of pretties.

Lord help me learn things fast. Help me bless people. Be glorified in the product and the process.

Day 196: Another Smile Moment

2011-07-17T15:19:00.000-07:00

Smile Moment: an occasion when the only reaction, the most proper reaction, is to smile. No more. No less. It is a brief window of praise to God shown in a smile.

I was on a path through the kitchen towards dishes wanting to be back in their homes in the cupboards, when I met with my daughter. Taking advantage of her new height (as she was standing on a chair), I wrapped my arms around her and asked, "You know what, Norah?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I love you? And what do I want for you?"

"You don't want me to die?" she responded quite innocently.

"Well, yeah," holding back a laugh, "But I also want you to learn and grow. You know what else?"

"Yeah. You want me to serve God," was her next thought.

"That's right, baby, to bring him glory. You want to do that?"

My little girl nodded in the affirmative, and skipped off the chair. After all, she was standing there for approximately 20 seconds. So to expect her to stay any longer is unthinkable.

Smile.

Day 195: Smile Moment

2011-07-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

Smile Moments are those occasions when the only reaction, the most proper reaction, is to smile. No more. No less. It is a brief window of praise to God shown in a smile. I got a Smile Moment this evening while tucking my son into bed.

Me: "Goodnight my boy."

Haddon, turning over with a grin on his face: "Goodnight my mom."

Now that's a Smile Moment.

Day 194: Girl Movie Night

2011-07-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a big Jane Austen fan. I'm not a crazy fan, but even so, I find her stories and style of writing to be wonderfully entertaining. I am slowly reading or re-reading all her books, and last summer I read Persuasion. I liked it. It wasn't my favorite, but I really did love the character Anne Elliot. I think I liked her so much because she's the anti-me. Quiet, reserved, wise and smart. She is a perfect wallflower, eager to please others, but grows in wisdom with age to not be walked over to persuaded into something that she truly didn't want.

I like to watch a movie adaptation of books that I read. So Persuasion came in the mail from Netflix, and needless to say, my husband wasn't thrilled with the idea of watching it.

Enter, Girl movie night!

It was so nice! I had a friend over. The same friend that saved my fabric shopping experience, and often does a great Super Girl impression.

The movie? Lame. They didn't do very well with the book at all.

The company? Delightful.

Day 193: Grumpy Pants

2011-07-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Grumpy. Perfect word for our home this week. The kids aren't really getting along too well, and the adults are just running on shorter fuses that the kids like to ignite.

Grumpy.

It's not pretty. It's not nice. It's not what we want because it's not what God wants.

Lord, make our grumpiness go away.

Fill our hearts with the joy of our salvation.

Renew a right spirit within us.

Day 192: Samuel

2011-07-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

Remember that Seble's book went public? I started writing a version for a boy based on Samuel. I'm really excited about it, and I think it will bless people's hearts. I got a little emotional even jotting down notes.

I think this process of learning all the technical stuff that I need to, and writing and connecting with adoptive families is going to really bless me as I get to bless them.

It's still overwhelming a little bit, but I'm getting more excited about the prospect. I love adoption, the human act, and adoption, the divine act.

I just have to keep better tabs on my notes. My kids got a hold of them, and they were crumpled up.

Note to self: Remember that you live with young children who like to destroy things.

Lord, bless the efforts I'm making

and give me wisdom and discipline to be organized so that those efforts can be fruitful.